Save Me From Insanity
by Liv-x-Case-Benson
Summary: Just because Catherine Willows is a senior CSI, that doesn't mean her life is a fairy tale. Her husband has addictions which drain her. Mentaly. Emotionally. Physically. Lindsay, 7, even knows if she makes Daddy mad, Mommy pays the price. Since when was servitude in her marriage vows? [Rated M for instances of physical abuse, rape, drugs, and sex.] Co-writer: dcmasters
1. Squirn

_Author's Note: I know...putting the **instances** in the synapses gives something away, but this isn't kid stuff._

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><p><span>Save Me From Insanity<span>

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 1: Squirm**

Catherine Willows had managed to get home early while her daughter Lindsay was still in school. She set to work cleaning the kitchen to make dinner fo herself, her husband and daughter. It wasn't _exactly_ the life she'd pictured with her husband. Her daughter and job were her reasons for staying with her husband. She truly hadn't loved him since her wedding night. After the Honeymoon, and they started their lives, it was where love ended and servitude began.

He was a fairly successful music producer, when he wasn't drinking or snorting coke. But when he was, the abuse began. The scars, the marks and bruises that she had to hide from others. It was why she only had friends at work, not out of it. The one thing she was grateful for, in that instance, was that he didn't allow Lindsay to either witness or bear the marks.

The house was required to be so clean any surface could be eaten off of. Floors swept, walls washed. Every. Damn. Day. Since when was servitude in her marriage vows? She didn't know, though it was a question she asked herself daily as she applied her makeup in layers to hide his 'love' for her. She knew she and Lindsay had to get out, to find some way, but he had so many connections, Catherine was afraid they would never get the chance. There was work, but it wasn't right to involve them in personal problems. She knew that.

Catherine cringed when the door slammed, dragging her out of her thoughts. He was home. Early.

He quickly approached his wife and wrapped his arms around her tightly from behind, kissing her cheek.

Catherine tried not to cringe too much as she cleaned the counters. "Hello," she said in a, somewhat, emotionless tone.

"What, no kiss?"

Catherine sighed inwardly, turning to kiss him. Though from his light grip maybe hadn't indulged...at least not yet. These times were rare. She smiled softly. "What would you like for dinner?"

"Did you get that steak at the shops?"

She nodded. "Thawing in the sink on a platter."

"I'm going to go for a shower," Eddie smiled, "can you bring me some warm towels?"

She nodded. "After I'll need to pick Lindsay up from school."

"Ok," he replied, kissing her cheek before disappearing upstairs running the shower. He took a swig from his hip flask sighing in satisfaction as the alcohol stung the back if his throat.

Catherine sighed, taking a couple warm towels from the dryer, folding them and bringing them up to him. Right about now, she knew he'd have that flask. She was grateful that he hadn't walked in the door drunk. Though, most nights, that meant nothing.

She knocked on the closed door before opening it and setting the towels on the sink and leaving the room. Going downstairs, she grabbed her purse and car keys to pick Lindsay up from school. As she sat waiting, she contemplated her next move. Lindsay was a smart girl so she knew part of what was going on. She'd need to talk with her before they got home so Eddie couldn't eavesdrop.

"Hi Mommy!" she smiled as she got into the car.

Catherine smiled, hugging her tightly. "Hi baby! How was school?"

"It was fine, thanks," Lindsay smiled.

Catherine smiled again. "Hey, Linds, I need to talk to you ok? And Daddy can't know."

"Ok. Promise."

"After you go to bed, do you ever wake up at night hearing noises?"

Lindsay frowned. "You mean like banging? And Daddy shouting?"

Catherine nodded. "Yes sweetie. What else to you hear?"

"Sometimes things smashing. I just close my eyes and put my pillow over my head."

Catherine nodded, handing her a bag from the floorboard. "These will help with that. But you need to hide them, ok?" The bag contained noise-cancelling headphones and a music player.

"Ok," Lindsay smiled, kissing her mother's cheek. They were nearly home after the rest of their quiet journey when Lindsay turned to her. "Do you cry yourself to sleep every night?" she asked quietly.

Catherine sighed. "I...a lot yes. Baby, have you told anyone about it?"

Lindsay shook her head. "No, Mommy."

"Good. And you know that if Daddy leaves for work and I still haven't gotten you up for school to call for help, right?"

"And all the numbers are in the phone book under the phone where it says emergency right?"

Catherine nodded. "Yes sweetheart. I've been thinking of giving you someone else's number too. Remember me talking about a friend from work, Sara?"

"Yes, I remember."

Catherine took a pen, writing her cell number on the inside of the bag. "Keep this number because if I end up in the hospital, I don't want you with Daddy, ok?"

"Ok. Will she know who I am?"

"I'll pick you up for lunch tomorrow so you can meet her, ok? And she can't know what happens unless you stay with her, ok?"

Lindsay nodded. "You can come and sleep in my bed if you want."

"I might, but just go up and find a hiding spot for your things and get started on your homework. I'll come get you for dinner," Catherine said as she pulled up beside the house.

"Ok, Mommy. Love you," Lindsay smiled before running inside to her room, not noticing her father in the living room.

Catherine smiled. "Love you too," she said, walking into the house, straight to the kitchen to start dinner.

"You were a while. I thought you were just getting Lindsay from school?" He asked, entering the kitchen to slip his credit card back in his wallet.

"I was. Traffic was crazy," she answered.

"The traffic was fine when I came home.," he stated. "Look at me."

Catherine sighed, turning to him. "What? It couldn't have changed in fifteen minutes. You did get home early."

"I can tell when you're lying to me, Catherine. You like winding me up, don't you?"

She sighed. "If you want me to cook for you tonight, you need to let me."

"If? You WILL cook for me, Catherine. That's your job, or do you need reminding?" He threatened, gripping her wrist tightly.

"Mommy..." Lindsay said as she walked in with her eyes on her schoolbook as he roughly let Catherine's wrist go. But not without a mark.

Catherine wiped her eyes, getting to her level. "What is it, baby?"

"Can I have a drink, please?" she asked, looking into her mother's eyes. "The hot sun when we got stuck in traffic has made me really thirsty."

Catherine nodded, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filled it halfway with cold water before giving it back to her, kissing her cheek.

"Thanks. Hi, Daddy," she smiled before returning upstairs.

"Don't be too long with dinner," Eddie warned, going to snort another line in the living room.

Catherine nodded, quickly frying up three steaks with potatoes and green beans as she set the table. She quickly set everything out, steaing hot fifteen minutes later. "Dinner's on the table," she replied, going to get Lindsay.

Eddie nodded, watching as Catherine disappeared. He cut half of Catherine's steak and placed it on his own plate before beginning to eat.

Catherine walked up, knocking on Lindsay's door. "Baby, dinner's ready."

Lindsay slowly opened her door, walking into the hall. "Did I do good, Mommy?"

Catherine smiled, hugging her tightly. "Yes," she whispered, quickly leading her down to the table, seeing, as usual, half of her main dish was gone. This was why she kept an abundant stash of food in her desk at work.

"Mommy, can I stay at Jessica's tonight? I forgot to ask when you picked me up. You could drop me on your way to work?" Lindsay asked, smiling sweetly.

"I don't know. It's a school night, Linds," Catherine said automatically. In truth, it would be easier if she was out of the house, but if Lindsay wasn't there, she had to wonder what would happen to herself.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Eddie smiled, "come on, Cath, ease up a bit."

Catherine nodded. "All right, but just for the night. I'll take you. She lives across town, right?" she asked, hopng Lindsay would play along. Across town was also where Sara happened to live.

"Yes. Thanks, Daddy," Lindsay replied. She was more than pleased when he had agreed. She hated it when her mother left for work. That was when her father always asked another woman over and they kept her awake until late. Not that she ever told her mother.

Catherine ate slowly, trying to make what she had left last. A practice she was forced to do nightly. She always made she she was at work early enough to eat a bit.

Lindsay finished quickly, excusing herself, with her father's permission, before going upstairs to pack her things.

Catherine finished eating and set her things in the sink, waiting for Eddie to finish.

As he finished he stood between the table and Catherine. "Don't be late tomorrow."

Catherine nodded. "I'll make sure."

"Good," Eddie smiled, squeezing her cheeks as he kissed her forcefully before leaving the room.

Catherine winced, clearing the table and washing dishes before putting them away and going to see if Lindsay was ready yet. "Linds?" she knocked on her door.

Lindsay opened her door with her school bag and overnight bag. "Are we going?"

Catherine nodded. "Do you have everything?"

"Yes, I packed my toothbrush too."

"Good," she smiled, leading her downstairs. "Across town will take an hour and a half to get back," she said, grabbing her purse and keys before leaving. Once they were a safe distance away, she added, "After I take you to meet Sara..."

"Ok, Mommy," Lindsay smiled, "you could take her to work."

Catherine shook her head. "No, I'll take you to meet her, then she can ride with us so I can talk to her."


	2. Meet

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 2: Meet**

Sara had just gotten out of the shower and redressed when someone knocked. "Coming!"

Catherine turned from checking on Lindsay who was waiting in the car when she heard the door open. "Hi," she smiled, a little too forcefully. She never knocked on Sara's door for personal matters.

Sara opened the door, surprised. "Hi Catherine. Do we have a case?"

"I... No," Catherine managed. "Have you got some time? I'm mean, are you busy?"

Sara shook her head. "No, I'm free. Did you want to come in?"

"Actually, I've got to drop Lindsay at a friend's. Have you got time to join us?"

"Yeah," she said, pulling on her jacket and shoes and followed Catherine to her car.

Catherine smiled, getting back into her car. "Lindsay, this is Sara," she said looking back at her.

"Hi!" She grinned.

Sara smiled. "Hi sweetie!"

Catherine passed Lindsay her headphones and cell phone. "Why don't you listen to some music on my phone, baby?"

Lindsay smiled. "Ok."

Catherine smiled, watching her mime lyrics moments later with a soft laugh. She started the car and began driving with a sigh, looking over at Sara. "I wanted her to meet you."

Sara nodded. "She looks like a sweet kid, Cath, but something tells me there's more to this visit than that."

"I wanted her to meet you in case... In case anything was to happen to me," she expanded, "I need to know she'd be safe."

"In case anything happened to you?"

Catherine swallowed hard, moving one hand off the wheel to roll back her other sleeve to show the bruise Eddie had left earlier, unable to find the words.

"Cath!" Sara gasped. "Is that from Eddie?"

"Yes. And it's not the first time."

Sara nodded, gently encasing Catherine's wrist in her hands. "What else?"

Catherine felt a shiver run through her body at Sara's touch. "If you wanted me to list everything, we'd be here a very long time."

Sara nodded again. "Catherine, you don't have to put up with this. He's abusive and should be arrested for it."

"You can't tell anyone, Sara. Promise me."

"But why? Y-you can't be happy with this! And it's not a good situation for Lindsay either."

"I... If I leave, he'll find us. I d-don't have anywhere to go," Catherine replied as a tear slid down her cheek. "Promise me you won't say anything."

Sara sighed. "Well, ok...but if you need to, my house is always open to you and Lindsay."

"Thank you," Catherine smiled weakly, squeezing Sara's hand as her stomach grumbled.

"Didn't you have dinner?"

"A little..." Catherine replied, checking on Lindsay, "Eddie eats most of mine."

"Then, maybe I can take you out for lunch tomorrow?"

"I... Ok, thanks," Catherine smiled.

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><p><strong>Reviews: mtblmm, EmmaB13 &amp; helly1bradleywyatt<strong>


	3. Feels So Right

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 3: Feels So Right**

It had taken Catherine most of the morning to get free of Eddie. She was late from work, and having promised she wouldn't be, it swiftly earned her a bruised cheek. She caked on enough make up to cover it before rushing out the door to meet Sara, leaving the housework to be done after lunch. "Hi, I'm so sorry I'm late," she smiled, sitting next to Sara in the booth, arriving a mere few minutes late.

Sara shrugged. "It's ok. Do you need something cold?" she asked, caressing her cheek gently.

Catherine's mouth opened and closed a few times. She thought she'd hidden it well. She flinched a little. "I guess."

"You might've hidden the bruise, but not the swelling," she whispered, asking for a bag of ice which was taken to her promptly as she pressed it to her friend's cheek. "You can't keep living like this."

Catherine touched Sara's hand lightly. "It's not that bad," she whispered, "living like this is my life."

Sara looked intently into her eyes. "Yes it is. Catherine, you need to get out of there. You and Lindsay. What happens to her if he kills you?"

"He wouldn't do that. He just... I shouldn't wind him up, not when he's been drinking or..."

"It's not your fault when that happens."

"I was late from work... Look, don't worry, he doesn't get that bad that I'll be one of your scenes," she said quietly.

"Cath...if you think like that..." Sara sighed. "If you need me, I'm there. You or Lindsay. I just don't like seeing you hurt."

Catherine looked around. "Can we get out of here? Yours isn't far is it? Only, everyone's staring."

Sara nodded, grabbing their sandwhiches to go, paying and extending a hand to her friend. "Let's go."

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><p>"Thank you," Catherine said as she finished her sandwich, sitting next to the brunette on the sofa, touching her cheek a little as it hurt.<p>

Sara quickly retrieved a cold pack from her freezer, handing it to her. "Here, hon," she said, blushing as she caught her slip. "I..I mean C-Catherine..." Damn. Why had she made that slip?

Catherine gave a soft smile. It had been years since anyone had called anything like that. "W-would you mind? Only I can't see it properly."

"What?" Sara asked.

"Hold it on my face."

Sara smiled. "Sit in my lap. Wait, how long do you have?"

"He started late and he's got a late recording session. Shouldn't be back until seven, though I have to pick Lindsay up," Catherine replied, moving to sit in her lap.

Sara smiled, holding her gently as the pack rested on her face. "I wish you felt better."

"Why?"

"Because I think you deserve better and that you're so much stronger."

"I don't feel strong anymore. Sara, I..." she said softly before pressing her lips to Sara's, kissing her gently.

Sara gasped, kissing her back, suddenly feeling an indescribeable pull as she kissed deeper.

Catherine moaned softly as she felt Sara deepen the kiss. Never had anyone kissed her like they wanted her, only her. Catherine wrapped her arms around Sara's neck, moving to pull the brunette on top of her as she lay back on the sofa.

Sara moaned softly, laying on top of her gently. "Mmm..."

When she felt Sara pull away a little, Catherine's voice was no more than a whisper when she pleaded, "Don't stop..."

Sara nodded, holding her close to kiss her again. "I'm not."

Catherine moaned softly, her tongue slipping into Sara's mouth as she ran her hand lightly up the back of her top.

Sara moaned as her tongue caressed Catherine's. She inched her shirt up for Catherine, not knowing exactly why, only that she needed her.

Catherine pulled the shirt over Sara's head, kissing her passionately as she ran her fingers so lightly along Sara's sides with a moan. Her skin was so soft.

Sara moaned louder, locking eyes with her. She pulled back briefly. "Can I see you too?" she whispered. "I promise I won't judge you. I want you to feel better."

Catherine looked deep into her orbs for a moment before nodding. She knew her body was a mass of bruises, varying in age and severity, and scars from when he was really mad.

Sara helped her sit up, carefully discarding her shirt, gasping at the marks as she gently ran her fingertips over them, pressing her lips to every one in a soft kiss before looking into her eyes again. "You are beautiful. This proves how strong you are."

Tears sprung from Catherine's eyes and quickly made their descent as she leant up to kiss Sara once again.

Sara gently lowered them to the couch again, kissing her as she wiped her eyes.

Catherine pulled away slowly, looking at her once more. "Can we come tomorrow? Me and Linds?"

Sara nodded. "How long? Just for a night or...?"

"A while. If that's ok? Just until I sort my head out."

"Anything you want. However long. A while...forever..."

"Forever's a long time..." Catherine whispered.

Sara nodded. "If that's how long you guys want..."

Catherine kissed Sara deeply, pulling her back down as she unclasped her bra.

Sara moaned loudly as she ridded herself of her bra, laying back down as she kissed her. "Ohh..."

Catherine ran her hands along Sara's back before raking lightly with her nails. "Mmm..."

"You feel so good."

"You're so beautiful," Catherine whispered.

Sara smiled. "Thank you. How far do you want to go?"

"All I've ever wanted is to feel loved," Catherine replied.

"I understand that, and I'll do what you want, but I don't want you to be hurt because of it."

Catherine smiled. "You could never hurt me."

Sara nodded. "I-I don't mean me..."

"I know. I just meant... I trust you..." Catherine replied, kissing Sara deeply once more.

Sara moaned, kissing her again as she softly massaged her breasts. "Soft.."

"Ohh..." Catherine whispered.

Sara smirked, sucking on her left earlobe, moaning.

Catherine automatically tilted her neck to one side allowing Sara greater access as she moaned softly.

Sara moaned. "Mmm...Cath..."

"Sara..." Catherine moaned, running her hands through the brunette's hair.

Sara grazed her teeth arcoss her ear. "Mmm... what do you want?"

"Oh god... You..." Catherine groaned.

Sara smirked, taking a breast in her mouth and sucking gently.

Catherine's mouth seemed to instantly dry up as she gasped. "Mmm, you feel so good..."

Sara's hands ran through her hair as she continued.

Catherine closed her eyes concentrating on every touch causing her to moan louder as she felt herself getting wetter than she already was.

A minute later, Sara switched breasts. "Mmm..."

Catherine squirmed a little as her desperation grew. "Sara..." she moaned deeply.

Sara moaned, pulling Catherine to stand up as she shedded her slacks and panties. "Mmm, so sexy..."

Catherine leant down to kiss her passionately, pulling her up to her to do the same to Sara, wrapping a leg around Sara's waist, moaning at the contact.

Sara moaned. lying back on the couch. "Mmm...do you want my fingers inside you?"

"So much," Catherine moaned, almost painfully.

The brunette laid her friend on the couch, pulling one leg off of the couch. She rubbed her clit.

Catherine gasped, pulling a cushion behind her head so she could watch her. "Oh, Sara..."

Sara smiled at her. "So beautiful, honey."

Catherine looked into her eyes. "Please..." she begged in a whisper.

Sara slipped three fingers into Catherine, groaning. "Mmm, so wet..."

Catherine whimpered. "Ohh... Sara..."

Sara moved at a steady pace, groaning when she felt Catherine's walls grip her fingers when she tried to move. She kissed her neck. "Mmm..."

"Fuck..." Catherine hissed, her hips beginning to buck against Sara's fingers.

"That's it, honey, yes... It's ok," Sara said, kissing her again. "Come for me, Cath..." she whispered, her other hand under Catherine's head.

"Yes! Oh, yes..." Catherine cried, her body shaking hard as she came, tears slipping down her cheeks as she screamed, "S-SARAAAAA!"

Sara smiled, kissing her tears away as she pulled out, licking her fingers clean before kissing her again. "You ok?" she whispered.

Catherine nodded, her breath still shaky, wiping her cheeks.

Sara wiped her cheeks for her. "I've got you. I promise."

"It's not... I..."

Sara nodded. "Easy, easy, take a breath first..."

Catherine looked away and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. Her cheeks were already flushed but she could have sworn their shade deepened as the next sentence spilled from her mouth. "It's just... I've never..."

Sara smirked. "You've never come like that before? You've never known it could feel so good to be with someone who cares about you?" she guessed.

"Both, except... the first bit... I've never... at all..." Catherine struggled.

Sara raised a brow. "Y-you mean you've never... Wow. I-I mean... I never would've guessed..."

Catherine shook her head, turning back to look at her, brushing Sara's cheek with her knuckles. Before her brain had caught up with her mouth, she whispered, "I love you."

"I...I... Thank you," Sara responded, clearly shocked. She did care about Catherine, did love her, but she knew the fact that this had just happened was speeding things up a bit too much. Not that she would ever regret it, but she didn't know if Catherine really loved her. That was when those words should be said. Not fueled by post-sexual hormones.

"Shit... Sorry... I was thinking... I... I'm sorry..." she panicked.

Sara held her close. "No...don't be sorry. I-I know part of you means it, I just think it's the wrong part right now. It's ok. I do care about you. I just think...well, it's like a...teenage reaction kind of, a rushed sentiment controlled by hormones and not your heart. Honey, I do care about you, very, very much, but I don't think it's exactly love you're experiencing. Granted, I wouldn't have done this i-if I didn't love you, but..." she sighed. "I'll never see this as a mistake. I-I do care like that, b-but I want you to say it because you can't stand a life without me. Does that make any sense?"

Catherine nodded. "It makes sense. I've never felt like this before. I mean, you're the first person to ever call me beautiful. I do like you, and I do want to explore this more, but sometimes my mouth jumps ahead of my brain," she smiled softly, placing a gentle kiss against Sara's lips.

Sara moaned softly. "Exactly, honey. Uh, do you have time to stay longer?"

Catherine looked at the wall clock. "We did meet for an early lunch, and it's only one now. I need to leave at two for Lindsay, so I have an hour. Why? Something you wanted?" Catherine teased, moving to suck the younger woman's neck.

Sara moaned, raking her hands through Catherine's hair. "Yes..."

Catherine pushed Sara up a little so she could lightly run a hand over her stomach to her clit, stroking gently.

"Ohh..." she moaned, knowing how wet she was from Catherine already.

Catherine's fingers seemed to glide with ease causing her to moan against Sara's neck. "So wet..."

Sara kissed her passionately, wrapping her legs around Catherine's waist. "Mmm..."

Catherine moaned as she returned the kiss, slipping three digits deep inside her. "Ride me..." she whispered.

Sara nodded, rolling Catherine to her back again, riding her fingers. "Ohh..."

"You like that?" Catherine asked, her free hand squeezing Sara's breasts alternately.

"Yes, oh yes!" she moaned, going faster.

Catherine's nails raked over her abdomen as she curled her fingers deep inside her.

Sara moaned louder.

Catherine pulled herself up to take one of Sara's nipples in her mouth, moaning as she sucked gently.

"Oh God... Y-yes Cath..." she moaned, movong harder.

"Is that how you like it? Hmm... God, you're so wet..." She moaned.

"Mmmm, yes, fuck me!" Sara moaned. "I need it so bad!"

Catherine curled her fingers harder, moaning against her breast. "Mmm, Sara... Come for me... God, you're amazing..."

Sara rode harder, feeling it start to drip down Catherine's fingers.

Catherine gave a loud moan when she felt it, moving her thumb to Sara's clit causing her to grind against it. "Mmm, come on baby..."

Sara went faster. "Ohh...god yes...oh..."

All of a sudden Catherine moved, carefully flipping them over, moving her fingers deeply inside the brunette as she went fast. She kissed a trail roughly down her stomach before taking the bundle of nerves in her mouth, nipping and sucking.

The brunette moaned, loudly, squirming from the motions. "Oh...SHIT! YES! YES CATH! OH fuck! Mmm...Yeah..."

Catherine moaned against her clit, as she worked her fingers harder as she felt the spot she so desperate needed for her release, moving her fingers quickly over it as she sucked harder.

Sara rested her hands on Catherine's shoulders. "L-let g-go, l-lay back d-down..."

Catherine studied her face for a second before moving to lay back down.

Sara pulled Catherine's fingers out before situating herself over her mouth, riding her, holding onto the couch. "Oh God. YES! I NEED IT! I'M GONNA COME!" she moaned, riding faster and faster.

Catherine moaned against her, holding her tongue steady for Sara to ride, her nails scraping her backs of Sara's thighs.

A few seconds later, the brunette threw her head back, going hard as she shook. "CAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!" she screamed, coming hard into her mouth, struggling not to fall off of the couch as she caught her breath.

Catherine swallowed all she gave, cleaning her up as she pulled Sara down to hold her close, kissing her softly.

Sara snuggled into her embrace, kissing back. "Mmm, so good, honey."

Catherine smiled, kissing Sara's forehead. "I wish I didn't need to go."

"Well, maybe someday soon, you won't have to. But do you really have to go now?" Sara asked.

"What's the time? I can't see the clock," Catherine asked.

"About half an hour later..."

"Then we have half an hour. "

Sara smirked. "Good," she said, before kissing her way down to Catherine's clit, sucking gently.

"Oh god..." Catherine hissed.

Sara smiled at her, pulling away a bit. "Mmm, you taste so good. Going to come for me? Right in my mouth?" she asked, sucking on her clit again.

Catherine moaned louder, still wound up from watching Sara as her body began to shake already. "GOD! SARA! OH YES, PLEASE!"

Groaning, Sara slipped her tongue into Catherine, moaning.

That was Catherine's undoing. Her hips bucked hard as her hands gripped tightly to the cushions. "SARAAAAAA!" she screamed as she came harder than before.

Sara took all that she gave, cleaning her up before hoding her close. "Please promise you want more than a stand! I-I really want you and Lindsay with me...someday."

Catherine kissed her deeply. "What I need right now is an escape, and if you're offering me that, then Lindsay and I will pack a bag tonight and be here tomorrow. But I don't think it's fair on any of us to rush into anything right now. I would very much love for this to be more than a stand, we just need to go slow."

Sara nodded, stroking her cheek. "Sounds perfect, but, Cath, I don't think you should go back to him after that. For anything. I don't know if it's safter to tell him or not that you guys aren't coming back. I mean, I don't know him and I don't want to. You do need to get away permanently. I won't tell anyone unless you want me to or the situation calls for it, but everyone at work, we've got your back."

Catherine smiled. "I know. Thank you," she replied, resting against Sara for a moment, "I need to get going."

Sara nodded, getting up and dressing, handing Catherine's clothes to her. "Here."

Catherine dressed, then pulled Sara close for a final kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow," she smiled.

Sara nodded, holding her close. "If you need me before then, just call. Ok?"

"I promise," Catherine smiled, brushing Sara's cheek before she left.

* * *

><p>She arrived on time for Lindsay, smiling when she got in the car. "Hey baby! How was school? Did you enjoy your sleepover?"<p>

Lindsay smiled as she git into the car. "Yes Mommy! It was lots of fun! We watched movies and had popcorn. I finished my homework except for one question, but that's ok 'cause everybody didn't know the same question and the teacher explained it."

"That's great sweetie! I missed you."

"I missed you too, Mommy."

Catherine hugged her tightly. "I need to have another talk with you, ok?"

"Ok. Did I do something wrong?"

"No sweetie. It's just...When we get home, I want you to to your room, go grab your suitcase, duffelbag and extra backpack and start packing. But he can't know."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to stay with Sara. You still have her number, right? In case you need it?"

Lindsay nodded. "It's in my pencil case."

Catherine groaned as she pulled up, seeing his car in the driveway. He was home early and this wasn't going to be pretty. "Go. Now. Hurry! Go up and do your homework. It's tomorrow night that we're going to do that," she told her. "If I survive tonight," she said under her breath.

Lindsay nodded, rushing inside to her room.

Eddie was waiting inside to greet her, clearly under the influence already. "Where the HELL have you been?!" he shouted.

"I just got off work and picked her up from school," Catherine said, sounding much braver than she felt.

"You came back from work late this morning, or have you forgotten that? DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!" he shouted as Lindsay slipped her headphones on and put the music up loud, continuing her homework and packing.

The back of Eddie's hand quickly connected with her cheek, the force sending her across the room and into the wall. He was always much stronger, much more violent when he'd been mixing alcohol and cocaine.

Catherine groaned, her head pounding as she stood again, knowing her cheek would be bruised in the morning. It was uncharateristic. Most battered woman tended to take the abuse because they thought they somehow deserved it. Catherine took it, but always kept getting back up. Yes it did frighten her, but if she didn't stand up and try to do something Lindsay would be all alone with him and she didn't ever want that.

"You are not to leave my sight tonight, do you understand?"

She nodded, wiping her eyes, going to start dinner. She learned a long, LONG time ago that it was pointless to reason with him when he was like this. It was like talking to a brick wall that hit back.

They ate in silence and Lindsay didn't dare look up to stare at her mother's face in case it got her in trouble. She quietly excused herself when she was done and finished packing, putting herself to bed with the music already on. Somehow she knew she would need them tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: Willoa-.-Tara, EmmaB13 &amp; helly1bradleywyatt<strong>


	4. Regular Night

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 4: Regular Night**

It was a short while after that when Eddie grabbed Catherine by the hair, forcing her upstairs. "Did I say you could go out and not clean the house?" He asked as he locked the bedroom door.

Catherine was barely holding herself together by now. And she knew her whole head would be sore. "I have to work! Or did you forget you don't make enough money to support your habits?!" Inwardly, she groaned, but she somehow felt stronger after seeing Sara.

"I wouldn't have habits if you respected me!" he shouted, punching her in the stomach.

Catherine doubled over, but, surprisingly, stood again, kicking him in the ankles. "And you wouldn't do that if you respected me!"

Eddie hissed in pain. "You bitch!" he replied, grabbing her by the hair again as he slammed her face into the wall.

Catherine saw stars. God, that was hard! Dazed, she ungripped his hand, throwing him into the dresser. Normally, her strength wasn't half of this, but she didn't want him controlling her life anymore, not to mention scarring Lindsay.

He groaned, quickly getting back up, then threw Catherine to the floor, kicking her repeatedly.

Catherine groaned. the tears finally breaking free as the pain continued.

Eddie smirked as she cried, stamping on one of her wrists as a loud crack echoed in the room.

Catherine screamed.

Eddie pulled her up by the wrist he'd just stamped on, throwing her on the bed pinning her arms above her head. "Say sorry!"

Catherine defiantly shook her head, moaning in pain, tears still pouring.

"I SAID SAY SORRY!" he shouted, tightening his grip.

"S-s-sorry!" she screamed out in pain.

"Good. Then you can make it up to me," he replied with a sadistic smile as he pulled down her trousers and panties with one hand, undoing his own before entering her roughly. Yes, he'd asked for sex before when he was mad, but never had he been this violent or this rough, and Catherine had always consented.

"STOPPPP! NO, STOP ITTTT!" she cried. Wasn't it enough that he'd bruised and broken her over the years? Why did rape need to be added to the list?

"Since you want RESPECT, I'll stop," he spat, quickly pulling out and zipping up his trousers, then dressing her, "But DO NOT think that this night is over."

Catherine grabbed the lamp with her good hand, hitting him over the head. As Eddie stumbled backwards, she ran for the door, unlocking it, trying to leave.

Disorientated from falling, he managed to focus seconds later and just as Catherine went to pull the door open he gripped her ankles, pulling her back toward him, her body hitting the floor hard.

Catherine crashed to the floor. She didn't know if it was smart to fight anymore. He was cutting her off at every pass. She made the mistake of trying to catch herself, but screamed in pain from her broken wrist, falling unconscious.

Punching her face several times, Eddie then pulled her into the bed laying her on her side of their bed and kissed her cheek. "Sleep well, Catherine," he said before leaving.

* * *

><p>Lindsay woke the following morning with music still playing in her ears. She frowned for a second, then remembered why she had put the headphones on. Removing them she looked up at the time, 10am. She should have been in school ages ago. It was then that she panicked.<p>

Quickly, she ran across the hall to her mother's room. "Mommy?" she called from the doorway, going inside when she received no answer, her voice shaky and more desperate when she peeked, "Mommy?" Still with no response, Lindsay pulled herself up onto the bed and tears coursed down her cheeks when she saw her mother's face.

She jumped down quickly from the bed, running back to her room. Desperately, she located her pencil case and grabbed the phone dialing Sara's number as she ran back to Catherine's room, sitting next to her, stroking her forehead as she waited for an answer.

"Sidle," Sara answered.

There was a soft sob down the phone as Lindsay tried to find the right words. "S-Sara?" She managed.

Sara walked away from the scene, standing by her car. "Lindsay? Sweetie, what's wrong? What's happened?"

"M-Mommy... She w-won't wake up..."

"What?! Honey, Daddy's not there, is he? Nick! Come over here!"

Nick quickly ran to her side as Sara put her phone on speaker.

"N-no. He's at work... H-her face is... I-it's all bloody and swollen and bruised," Lindsay replied, crying harder.

"Is she breathing?"

"Um..." Lindsay managed as there was some muffling on the phone line then it stopped as her voice came back, "Y-yes," Lindsay said weakly, shaking her mother a little, "Wake up, Mommy!"

Sara put her hand over the mouthpiece, quickly explaining the possible situation. "Catherine was supposed to be in hours ago and Lindsay was supposed to be at school. Think we can take a few EMTs with us?"

"There's too many here, give me a sec," Nick replied, explaining to one if the EMT teams who quickly got in their vehicle to follow, "let's go."

Sara nodded. "We're on our way," she said as they got in and left.

* * *

><p>Lindsay ran to open the door when Sara said they were nearly there then showed them to Catherine. "Mommy, it's ok now," she said, running back over to her.<p>

Sara picked Lindsay up. "Hey, do you have things packed?" she asked, walking out of the room to let Nick and the EMT assess the scene.

Lindsay nodded. "I want to stay with Mommy!"

"I know you do, but they need to figure out what happened and it's easier if you're not in their way, ok?"

Lindsay buried her face against Sara's shoulder as she cried heavily.

Sara rubbed her back, going into Lindasy's room and sitting on her bed. "I know, sweetie, I know. But it's going to be ok now."

"Daddy hit Mommy before dinner. I saw her face."

"What else did you see last night? Did you hear what happened?"

"Mommy told me to wear these whenever I heard Daddy start shouting and play music and I fell asleep with them on. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Sara shook her head, hugging her tightly. "Sweetie, it's not your fault. Your mommy just didn't want you hearing it. She was protecting you. I promise."

"I-I-I... Took them off one time..."

"And what did you hear?"

"Mommy was shouting. She never shouts."

"She finally fought back," Sara said in realization.

"She said... She said something like... "I wouldn't have to do that if you respected me". Then Daddy shouted back a naughty word and then there was a loud bang so I put my headphones back on," Lindsay managed, not seeming to have heard Sara.

Sara nodded. "Ok. What kind of music do you have?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Um... I have lots," she said, grabbing the player, "see. Mommy says I have too much pop music."

Sara smiled. "Well, I suppose part of her doesn't mind if it helps with the noise."

"She only gave it to me the same day I met you. She picked me up from school and we were talking about it."

Sara nodded, sitting her on the bed. "I'll be right back ok?" she said, closing the door and going to the room across. "What's the diognosis?" she asked.

"They're getting her stabilized to take in. She's got a fractured wrist, suspected fractured ribs, multiple cuts and bruises. They're not sure on internal bleeding and she's got a concussion."

Sara sighed. "And I'm 100 percent sure her husband is who did it, but is it ok for me to take Lindsay for a few nights? The only family she has is him and Cath and I'd hate for her to be in that situation."

"Sure. Did you want to go with Cath? I can take Lindsay for breakfast and get her things to your place if you'd prefer to stay with her."

"Sure. Thanks."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: EmmaB13 &amp; helly1bradleywyatt<strong>


	5. Aftermath

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 5: Aftermath**

Catherine had arrived at the hospital a couple of hours earlier and Sara was yet to hear word from any of the medical staff regarding her welfare. She was just about to go and check when a nurse stood in the doorway. "Are you here for Mrs. Willows?" she asked softly.

Sara nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Are you a relative or next of kin?"

"Um, no I'm not, but uh...her only other next of kin is her seven-year-old daughter and her...her husband who did that, so..." she sighed.

The nurse nodded. "Are you Sara?"

She nodded. "Yes I am."

"Mrs. Willows came 'round very briefly and all she said was your name and managed "call Sara" before she lost consciousness again," the nurse smiled.

"C-can I see her?"

"Yes, though she is still unconscious. Her wrist has been plastered, she has a few broken and several cracked ribs. Luckily, there is no internal bleeding."

Sara nodded. "Thank you," she said before walking in.

"Sara, one more thing. It's just to let you know that we will be contacting the police as there is evidence of longstanding abuse, they might want to talk to you."

Sara nodded. "I understand," she said, puling up a chair beside the bed and sitting down before texting Nick what she had found out along with, 'Is there anyway to get a restraining order against him for both of them? I know there will be an invesigaton and he'll probably get locked.'

'Grissom already on it. Keep us posted.' Nick replied a few seconds later. The machine next to Catherine beeped steadily, and her chest rose and fell slowly, the only signs of life from CSI Willows as she lay covered in bruises and stitches.

Sara held her hand tightly, sighing as she sat back in the chair. 'Lindsay still with you?' she asked Nick.

'Yes, but she's barely said a word,' he replied as Catherine's finger moved a little in her hand.

'She's probably tired too as well as shocked.'

'I know. She barely ate anything. Maybe you could try later?' Nick suggested as from the bed came a raspy, "Sara?"

Sara replied before leaning over the bed. "Yes, Cath, I'm here."

"Lindsay?"

"Lindsay's with Nick. She's safe, ok?"

"I need to s-see her..."

"Honey, you're pretty beaten up. Are you sure?"

"He hurt her, didn't he? That's why you won't let me see her," Catherine replied fighting with the tubes and wires to sit up, whimpering in pain, "Lindsay!"

Sara held her gently. "No, no, she's ok! I promise! But you need to lay down and rest. You've got cracked and broken ribs, a fractured wrist and cuts that are stitched and bruises. Look, I'll have him bring her, but you've got to promise me that you'll rest. Please?"

Catherine slowly laid back down, nodding. "S-sorry. I feel angry and I don't know why."

Sara nodded. "I understand. Do you want me to ask him to bring her?"

"Can you call her?"

Sara called Nick. "Hey, she's awake and asking for Lindsay. Can you stop by?"

"Sure. We'll be twenty minutes, though, is she sure she wants Lindsay to see her?"

"I know. I asked that too, but she said yes, so..."

"I could put her on the phone? She seems traumatized enough."

"Alright. Let's try that," Sara said, laying the phone by Catherine's head.

Nick passed the phone to Lindsay quickly. "Lindsay?"

Lindsay took the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey baby!" Catherine smiled, flinching when it hurt.

"Hi Mommy," she said.

"Are you ok?"

Lindsay nodded. "Yes Mommy! Are you going to be ok? You scared me when I found you this morning. I couldn't wake you up."

Catherine wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'll be just fine, sweetie. I'm so sorry I scared you, but you did the right thing calling Sara for help. I'm so proud of you."

Lindsay smiled. "I'm glad you're gonna be ok. Can I still sleep at Sara's tonight?"

"How about tonight and every night?"

"Really?"

"If that's what you want?"

"Yeah."

"Well, alright then. You be good and make sure you eat. I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy."

Catherine nodded for Sara to take the phone away. "She wants to stay with you forever apparently."

"Well, you did ask."

"I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't what I wanted."

Sara smiled.

"I thought I was going to die," Catherine whispered, tears in her eyes.

Sara wiped her eyes. "What happened?"

"He was home when I got back. I... I hadn't cleaned. "

Sara nodded, caressing her cheek gently. "Lindsay said she didn't hear a lot."

"Thank god," Catherine sighed, placing her hand over Sara's against her cheek, bringing it down to kiss her palm lightly, "all I could think about was you."

Sara smiled gently. "I promise we'll get him."

Catherine nodded slowly. "He's never been that bad before."

"Do you fight back?"

"Never. Well, not until yesterday."

"What was different about yesterday?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"I... had s-something to fight for," Catherine replied before a coughing fit started, siting up to hold her side.

Sara helped her sit up. "Easy."

Catherine rested her head against Sara's shoulder as it subsided, exhausted. "Sorry."

Sara smiled. "It's ok."

"God, my head hurts."

"I don't doubt that. You got pretty beat up."

"Are you staying?"

"Staying where?"

"H-here?"

"I should probably take Lindsay home with me at some point tonight."

Catherine nodded. "Is... Is my face bad?"

Sara bit her lip. "Well..."

Catherine just nodded. She gave that same face when one of their live victims asked that question. "Maybe you should go."

The brunette shook her head, sitting back in the chair. "No, wait..." she sighed. "I'll stay. I'm sorry. It's just...I've never seen you like this."

"Like what?" Catherine asked softly.

"Scared, not knowing what's next."

"What if you don't get him?"

"We will," Sara responded confidently.

"He's got a lot of connections, Sara."

She nodded. "Such as?"

"He's a music producer, knows a lot of people. If he needed to disappear he could. Promise me something?"

"Depends on what it is."

"I need to know Lindsay would be ok. If... if he... came back to finish what he started..."

"Catherine," Grissom said as he walked in, "Sara's right. We're behind you. If you can give us names," he said, standing beside Sara, "we'll be in better shape."

Sara nodded. "Also, you could add me as her second Emergency Contact at school and get rid of his name. I promise, though, I won't let him get to her."

Grissom nodded in agreement.

"Ok. Can you write for me Sara?"

Sara nodded, taking the pen and pad of paper from Grissom. "Go for it."

Catherine proceeded to list all the names of all of his associates that she knew of. "I t-think that's it."

Grissom nodded. "Everything's being processed now, but I think you'll be here overnight just to be sure everything will heal like it's supposed to."

"Mr. Grissom, is it?" Catherine's doctor asked from the doorway.

He turned. "Yes?"

"Mrs. Willows X-ray films," she smiled, passing them to him.

He smiled. "Thank you."

"I've included a medical report, too, about the long-standing injuries," the doctor smiled before she left.

He nodded, walking back in. "I have your X-rays and medical report."

"Medical report?" Catherine nodded, grimacing slightly.

"The medical report is about your long-standing injuries."

Catherine looked away a little. "I know I should have spoken to you, or someone, sooner. I just... I guess it becomes routine after a while."

Sara nodded. "Hey, you're alive and you're going to be ok."

"Am I? Look at me, Sara, I look hideous and don't try telling me I don't. I'm going to be off of work for weeks, possibly months, and all I'm going to be good for is sitting around thinking about it. All of it. I can't even drive my daughter to and from school. What part of that means I'm going to be ok?" Catherine replied, frustration in her voice, "I know, I know, it's all my fault."

"Catherine, he's the one who decided to hurt you. I mean, hell, most housewives are lucky if they clean up once a week, especially if they have full-time jobs. People forget, they get busy with other things, work or friends, make mistakes and not everyone gets beaten for it. There's a reason any type of abuse is against the law. Domestic, spousal. child, sexual, emotional, mental. None of it is right, Catherine. And it's never the reciever's fault," Sara said.

"I just wanted Lindsay to have what I didn't. No matter what he did to me, he always loved her."

"No, he didn't. Not if he hurt you. Because she knows he did it," Sara continued.

Grissom cleared his throat as he closed the file. "Technically, you could still work, help us peice things together."

"I guess I could..." Catherine managed with a cough. "Do you need anything else from me now? For this case, I mean."

Grissom shook his head. "I think we've got what we need."

Catherine nodded, watching as he left. "I should speak to Lindsay. She must be so scared."

"Do you want Nick to bring her in?"

"She's with Nick?"

Sara nodded. "I came here with you. He took her to drop her bags at my place."

"Oh, ok."

Sara held her hand again. "I think you are beautiful. Your strength shows so much right now."

"Because I have to be. For Lindsay. Inside I'm breaking," Catherine whispered, her lip wobbling a little,

Sara let a railing down, sitting next to her, holding her gently. "It's ok. I'm here."

Catherine moved closer to her, finally letting all the tears out she'd held onto for years.

Sara just sat with her, holding on. "It's ok," she whispered. "I'm not leaving."

Catherine's body shook as she slowly calmed, falling asleep in Sara's arms.

Sara smiled, kissing her temple, rocking her gently.

* * *

><p>Lindsay looked up as soon as the door opened, running to hug Sara tightly. It was the first time she'd really acknowledged anyone all day.<p>

Sara hugged her tightly. "Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Ok. How's Mommy? When can I see her?"

"Maybe tomorrow. She needs to sleep, ok?"

Lindsay nodded. "Where's Daddy?"

Sara walked over, sitting them on the couch. "Honey, he's...he's going to go to jail."

"I know. He hurt Mommy a lot. But is he there now?"

"I don't know honey, but I hope so."

Lindsay frowned when she saw Nick shake his head at Sara."Is he at his girlfriend's?"

"He has a girlfriend?" Nick asked. "Do you know her name?"

"Which one?"

Nick sighed. "Okay, all of their names?"

"Um..." Lindsay thought for a moment, "There's Julie, she has brown hair and she's short, but she has a funny tooth. Then Brianna, she's really young and has blond hair and always wears short skirts. Nadia has brown hair too, and she's got a tattoo in the middle of her back of a unicorn. Maria has red hair and a funny accent, but not like Georgia. She has an accent like Mommy's and she's really nice. Rachel has black hair with blue through it and always wears black. I think that's all."

Nick whistled as he took down the names and descriptions. "Are they singers?"

"Uh huh. Except Georgia. She's his secretary."

Nick nodded. "All right. I'll go see what I can find out. You two ok here?" he asked, standing.

Sara nodded. "I think so."

Lindsay gave a nod, watching as Nick left. "Did I do ok?"

Sara smiled. "Yes, that was very good. Are you hungry?"

Lindsay nodded. "I haven't eaten all day."

"What would you like?"

"Hmm... pizza?"

"What kind?"

"Pepperoni. If that's ok? It doesn't matter if you want something else."

"No, that's perfect."

"Sara... do you think I should tell Mommy about Daddy's girlfriends?"

Sara chewed on her lip. "Well, yes, but let's wait until she feels better, ok? She's going through a lot right now."

Lindsay nodded. "They come when she's at work. I didn't want to make her upset. She already cries herself to sleep every night."

Sara hugged her. "I understand. But she needs to feel better before she tries to deal with this."

"Did you hug Mommy like that?"

"Why?"

"Because if you didn't, you should. You give good hugs and Mommy could use lots of those to get better."

"Thanks," Sara said.

"Can I have a drink, please?"

"Sure," she said, going into the kitchen and bringing a glass of water back out to her. "Here."

"Thanks," Lindsay smiled, sipping it slowly. "Do you have more or does it have to last all night?"

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"Because Daddy says I'm only allowed one glass because I have to stay in my room all night when Mommy is at work. He said there was a water shortage."

Sara shook her head. "No, you can have as much as you want."

"Thanks," Lindsay smiled. "Have you ordered pizza yet?"

Sara shook her head. "Do you want anything else?"

"No. Can we watch a movie?"

Sara nodded, quickly ordering pizza and handing Lindsay the remote. "I don't have really any movies. I'll have to get some."

"It's ok, I don't either. We never have the money."

"Why not?"

"We've never had any money. Mommy usually secretly saves money to get me a present for Christmas, but says not to tell Daddy. And at Christmas, it's just like a normal day. I've never had a tree," Lindsay replied, daughter of a music producer and senior CSI.

Sara sighed. "That'll change, kid, I promise."

Lindsay smiled, hugging Sara tightly. "How do I work this?" she asked, looking at the remote.

Sara hugged her, turning on the TV for her.

* * *

><p>The rest of the evening went fairly quickly, Lindsay enjoying the fact she could choose what she wanted on the TV and eat as much pizza as she wanted. "Where am I sleeping?"<p>

Sara thought a minute. "You can take my bed and I'll have the couch. There is another bedroom, but I mainly use it for storage. I guess I'll need to clean it out soon."

"I can sleep here if you want?" Lindsay smiled.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'd be fine."

Sara nodded, grabbing the rest of the pizza and putting it in the fridge, then she went back to her bedroom, digging in the closet, before coming back out with a sheet, heavy blanket and a pillow. "These look ok?"

"Yes, thanks," Lindsay smiled. "Can I sleep now?"

Sara nodded, quickly making up the couch. "Do you want to go get changed?"

Lindsay nodded running to the bathroom. When ahe returned, she hugged Sara before laying down.

Sara hugged her tightly before kissing her cheek. "If you need me, my bedroom is straight back on the end ok? Goodnight," she said, locking and bolting the door before she went back to change and slip into bed.

* * *

><p>Lindsay slept fine until she woke at 4am. Unable to get back to sleep and without her mother, Lindsay quietly stood creeping into Sara's room. She climbed onto the bed and curled up at her side, promptly falling back to sleep.<p>

Sara rolled over, covering her up and snuggling her close. "Shh, it's ok," she whispered, "just sleep."

"Ok," Lindsay whispered as she fell asleep in the brunette's embrace.

Sara smiled, kissing her head as she fell back asleep. She would need to remember to tell Catherine to call the school about today.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: malfoystinksstinks &amp; helly1bradleywyatt<strong>


	6. Safe

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 6: Safe**

Lindsay slept soundly until she woke in the morning.

Nick came shortly after eight to relieve Sara to go to the hospital.

Sara smiled. "Thanks." she said before heading back. She walked in seeing Catherine reading a magazine. "Hi."

Catherine smiled. "Hi. How's Lindsay?"

"Doing ok. How are you?"

"I didn't really sleep. I feel ok as long as they keep my medication up."

Sara nodded as she sat beside her. "You should probably call the school and say Lindsay's sick."

"Can I use your cell?"

Sara nodded, handing Catherine her phone.

Catherine quickly made the call then sat back. "Can I go now?"

"Has your doctor said anything about it?"

Catherine shook her head. "I had a bit of a rough night."

Sara kissed an uninjured spot on her cheek. "What happened?"

"Nightmares mainly."

"I think Lindsay had one too. She crawled into bed with me at about four this morning, curled up, and went back to sleep."

Catherine smiled. "Sorry if she woke you."

Sara shook her head. "It's ok. I didn't mind."

"I-I.. missed you."

Sara smiled. "I missed you too."

"I woke up and you weren't here."

Sara sighed. "I'm sorry, but I thought I should go see about Lindsay."

"No, it's ok, I know. I can't stand this place, but then Lindsay shouldn't see me like this."

"She already saw you. Not bandaged and stitched but... Who do you think called me?"

"She called you?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah. She must've slept in. I got the call about 10."

Catherine nodded. "Can you see if I can go?"

Sara nodded, walking into the hallway.

"You ok there?" one of the nurses asked as she passed.

Sara nodded. "Yes. We were wondering if the doctor is making rounds soon? She's wanting to get home."

"The doctor was just about to call you. We didn't realize you were here. Come this way."

Sara, curiously, followed.

"Oh, hi, Sara," the doctor smiled, "I understand Catherine wants to go?"

She nodded. "That's right. I don't think she's fond of being here."

"She did seem to wake with nightmares not long after you left. As long as you can keep an eye on her for a few days..."

"For her wrist?"

"That, but mainly her head injury."

"Did...you find something else out because of it?"

"Her previous head injuries have caused some scarring made worse by her current head injury.'

"And what does that mean?" Sara asked.

The doctor sighed. "The affected part of her brain is the area that controls memory. Whilst Catherine can remember everything up until she woke up in hospital, she is having trouble with short-term recall. For example, she asked the nurse this morning for some fresh water, then asked the same an hour later, even though she still had a full glass."

"Is it temporary or permanent? Is there anything I could do to help her?"

"Temporary, but we can't say how long it will last for. We're hoping it will slowly fade as the swelling goes down."

"That makes sense," Sara said.

"Anyone who has a head injury always needs a few days monitoring once they go home. If you're worried, by all means bring her back or call."

"And what should I be watching for?"

"Increasing headache, worsening memory, slurred speech, trouble staying awake or increasing tiredness."

"But...I'd imagine she'll be tired anyway..."

"She will, but it's more if you're having trouble waking her."

The brunette nodded. "Ok, so is she ok to leave yet?"

"We'll just get some papers ready for her to sign on the way out."

Sara nodded again. "Ok, do any monitors need to be taken care of? Or can she just dress-come to think of it, that's going to be difficult too..."

"No, they're all detached. Would you like us to get a nurse to help her?'

"Yes please."

"I'll get one to come through in a few minutes."

Sara smiled. "Thank you," she said as she walked back into Catherine's room. '_Cath, can't work until the swelling on her brain subsides. She's having trouble with her short-term memory and I think I'd better stick close because of that and her wrist. Any word on the Eddie situation?'_ she text Grissom.

_'No problem. Still tracking Lindsay's info. Three more to check.'_ he replied a few minutes later.

_'Let me know what you find out. I'll keep you updated.'_

Catherine smiled as Sara returned. "Who are you texting?"

"Grissom. They're still looking for him."

Catherine nodded with a sigh. "Can I go?"

Sara smiled. "Yes. A nurse will help you dress."

"You don't want to?"

"I do, but I figured I'd have a nurse do it the first time so I can observe how careful I need to be with your wrist."

Catherine nodded as a nurse entered. The nurse helped her stand, then slowly helped her dress. It was now that Sara was exposed to every bruise, every stitch, scrape and scratch which pretty much covered her entire body.

Sara gasped. Many of the marks were fresh, probably from a few nights before. It didn't deter her feelings though. She still loved Catherine and Lindsay.

Catherine, who was previously watching Sara, looked away feeling self conscious. She quickly signed the papers and hobbled on her own towards the door.

Sara gently wrapped one arm around Catherine's back, grasping her good hand. "I was shocked," she said simply. "But it doesn't change anything about how I feel," she finished, kissing her cheek, "I promise."

"Sorry, it's just going to take a while to heal," Catherine replied, "hopefully I won't scar too much for you."

Sara stopped, holding her close. "Cath, these will heal. I...I care about you, not your scars."

"I-I'm just not used to having anyone care."

Sara smiled. "You'll get used to it."

"I hope I do," Catherine smiled, "let's go home."

Sara smiled, helping her out to the car. "Dinner? Should we pick something up?"

"Sure. Though I'm not eating much."

"What would you like?"

"Pasta maybe."

"Italian?" Sara asked.

"Yeah. Honestly, anything you want is fine. If you want to buy something that needs cooking, I'll have it ready for whatever time you want."

"But can you cook with your wrist?"

"I... Oh... Sorry, I forgot."

Sara shook her head. "It's ok."

* * *

><p>Having picked up something for dinner, they soon arrived at Sara's. "Lindsay?" Catherine called as soon as she stepped inside.<p>

"Mommy!" Lindsay said, running out and hugging her.

Catherine held her tightly. "How are you?"

"I'm ok," she said, hugging her tighter. "Did Daddy do that to your wrist?"

Catherine winced at the pain as Lindsay held her. "Yes, sweetie."

Sara closed the door. "Be careful of her injuries, sweetie."

Lindsay nodded, kissing Catherine's cheek.

"Why don't we go curl up on the sofa?"

Sara smiled. "I'll dish up the food," she said, taking it to the kitchen.

Catherine smiled, sitting on the couch.

Lindsay smiled crawling into her mother's lap.

Catherine held her tightly, kissing her forehead. "I love you so much."

Lindsay smiled. "I love you too. Guess what? Sara has another room she doesn't use and she says she'll clean it out for us!"

Catherine smiled. "Good."

Sara brought three plates of spaghetti out, setting them on the coffee table.

Catherine ate slowly, only eating half her meal before putting her plate down.

Sara smiled. "Should I save the rest for later?"

"Yeah, maybe," Catherine replied, yawning, "I'm quite tired."

"Do you two want my bed?" Sara asked.

"We can't do that to you, Sara."

"But you need to be careful of your wrist, honey," Sara said gently. "You don't want to re-injure it."

"I... Ok," Catherine smiled.

"Or..Lindsay could take the couch..."

"Yes!" Lindsay grinned, looking thrilled.

Sara smiled. "Are you sure?"

"Yes please!?"

"Ok," Catherine smiled, kissing Lindsay's forehead. "Do you want to show me where I can rest?"

Sara nodded, clearing away the dishes, before making up Lindsay's bed. She set a glass of water on the coffee table. "You know where everything is, right?" she asked her.

"Yes, I remember," Lindsay smiled before Catherine said goodnight to her.

Sara helped Catherine up, locking and bolting the door again before helping Catherine back to her bedroom.

"Your bed looks so comfortable. How much do you want for rent?"

Sara smiled, kissing her cheek gently. "No money. I'll take care, affection, a "roll" when you feel well enough," she said, sittibg Catherine on her bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes absolutely, honey," she said, hugging her gently. "What do you want to wear to bed?"

"I... I didn't bring anything, did I?"

Sara sighed. "Guess not, but I'm sure I have something that will fit you."

"I'm actually quite comfortable in this. Is that ok?"

Sara nodded. "You might want to take off your shoes though."

Catherine quickly slipped them off, laying back.

Sara grabbed a couple things, walking into the bathroom, changing in an over sized t-shirt and walking back out. She laid beside Catherine, turning out the light.

* * *

><p>Catherine was nearly asleep when Sara's phone began ringing, causing the older woman to sit up quickly in fright, holding her side.<p>

Sara turned on the light, holding Catherine steady as she answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, it's Gil."

"Hey, what's going on?" Sara asked through a yawn.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's ok."

"I just wanted to let you know we got him. One of Lindsay's leads paid off. He's in custody as we speak."

Sara sighed in relief. "So, now what's going to happen?"

"Interview. We'll be around to take Catherine's statement first thing."

"Will she need to see him? Or Lindsay?"

"I shouldn't think so."

Sara nodded. "Good. Do you know when you're going to stop by?"

"Is ten ok?"

"Ten's perfect."

"Ok. Night Sara."

"Night," she said, hanging up. "They got him, honey."

Catherine sighed with relief as she collapsed against Sara. "Can I lay here? In your arms?"

Sara turned off the light, holding Catherine close. "I'd love that."

Catherine looked up slowly, capturing Sara's lips gently.

Sara smiled, kissing her gently.

"Where's Lindsay sleeping?"

"On the couch," she whispered, "why?"

"I haven't said goodnight."

Sara smiled, turning on the light and helping her out to the living room.

Catherine smiled as she sat on the edge of the sofa when she saw Lindsay already sleeping, reaching out to stroke some hair from her face. "Sleep well my baby," she whispered.

Lindsay smiled in her sleep.

Catherine kissed her forehead before standing, walking back with Sara. "Thank you, for everything," she said softly, pulling Sara to her with her good arm.

Sara smiled as they walked back to bed. "Can you wait to thank me properly until after you sign the papers? I-I mean, I assume..."

"I want a divorce?"

Sara nodded, sitting Catherine on her bed. "Well...I wouldn't want to stay with anyone like that."

"True," Catherine agreed.

"He must not've been all bad," Sara said. "You must have some good memories."

"Those memories were few and far between," Catherine sighed, "I guess I hoped one day he would change and stop acting like we were kids again. When I met him, he was the loveliest man in the world. He treated me so well. I mean, I was in some trouble back then, but we were always good together. Maybe I shouldn't have hung on until our wedding night to sleep with the man."

"Why does that matter with this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you think waiting to sleep with him caused any of this?" Sara asked.

"Because I think he was only nice to me before because he wanted to get his leg over."

Sara hugged a little tighter. "Like a sheep in wolf's clothing."

Catherine nodded. "I was just glad I met this guy at work. He saved me from my... ways... and was the reason I became a CSI."

"What do you mean? Did he influence you?"

"He was a cop. A regular where I worked. He used to come in and tell me all about his case of the week and I was fascinated. He always said 'Catherine, you're far too intelligent for this job, don't let it go to waste. Use it to help people'. So I quit and went to do my degrees and the rest you know."

Sara smiled, kissing her cheek. "How's your wrist?"

"Fine. Painkillers are doing their job. Look, Sara, it's only fair I tell you because I don't want to hide my past from you. And I'm not telling you because Eddie will bring it up, I'm telling you because I respect you."

Sara nodded. "Ok. Anything else you want to tell me?"

"There are things you need to know about. I want us to work, I don't want any secrets, even if all we turn out to be is best friends. I just don't want you to think bad of me."

Sara sat up, turning on the lamp beside her. "Well, I'd rather we weren't only best friends someday. Yes, I am jumping the gun, but... you know, a life with you two, maybe another kid or two...it doesn't sound half bad. Down the road, of course."

Catherine kissed her deeply, then moved to rest her head against Sara's shoulder. "I... I was a stripper..."

Sara held her gently, nodding slowly. "Everyone has something they aren't proud of. So...you weren't an exotic dancer?"

"Well yes, but everyone still calls it stripping these days," Catherine replied before sighing heavily, "One with a brief coke habit."

Again, Sara nodded. "We should sleep. We can take Lindsay to school in the morning and talk before you give your statement. Grissom's coming at ten."

Catherine nodded. "Ok," she replied. Her body and mind were exhausted as she lay back on her pillow. "Night."

Sara turned off the light, lying down and hugging her tightly. "Night. Love you, Cath."

It was then, when she was safely in Sara's arms, that Catherine finally allowed herself to sleep. "Love you too," she whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: malfoystinksstinks &amp; helly1bradleywyatt<strong>


	7. No Reason to Hide

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 7: No Reason to Hide**

Catherine slept on and off with nightmares, akways finding comfort in Sara's arms. She had gotten up early to lay with Lindsay for a while before she had to get ready for school. When Lindsay had gone to change, she asked Sara to help her dress, though this still made her uneasy. The pair quickly got Lindsay off to school and when they arrived home, Catherine sat quietly on the couch, feeling like she'd overdone things already.

Sara brought her a glass of water and a couple pain pills. "Here."

"Thanks," Catherine smiled, quickly swallowing them. She wasn't looking forward to her interview.

Sara sat beside her. "It's going to be ok."

"Telling Grissom isn't going to make it better."

"But it'll be the truth."

"Will you stay?"

Sara nodded, holding her close. "Of course. I'm not going anywhere."

"Ever?" she whispered, resting against Sara.

"Ever."

Catherine looked up slowly seeing the genuineness in Sara's eyes. Leaning up, Catherine gently pressed her lips against Sara's as she kissed her.

Sara kissed her gently. "Mmm, I do love you. I know it's really soon, but..."

"But?" Catherine asked.

"Will you stay with me? Move in?"

Catherine smiled. "I don't ever want to leave."

Sara smiled back, kissing her again. "When you're better, I have so much to teach you in the bedroom. I haven't had many relationships, but I have a lot of insight. We can cuddle all day and sweat from passion at night," she whispered in her ear.

Catherine gave a soft moan, kissing her again deeply.

Sara kissed back. "When you''re ready...though we may want to have Lindsay out for the night."

"She always has a friend wanting her to stay over," Catherine replied. "Thank you... for taking this at my pace..."

Sara nodded. "After what's happened, it's not a problem. W-were you serious that day? H-had you never had one?"

Catherine blushed. "I... I don't even know why I told you..."

"It's ok. You don't need to be embarassed. I just would've thought...with Lindsay."

"You can fake it and still get pregnant."

Sara nodded. "So...you just never "felt" it?"

"When someone who is usually abusive wants physical contact like that with you... I wanted it over as soon as possible."

"Ah, I understand. And that's ok. Really," she said, pulling Catherine into her lap.

Catherine wrapped her good arm around Sara's neck. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes you do. Everyone deserves to be loved and I love you."

Tears sprung in Catherine's eyes as she kissed Sara in an attempt to stop them falling.

Sara held her tightly, kissing back. "It's ok," she whispered into her lips, "I've got you. Trust me."

"I trust you," Catherine whispered back.

Sara pulled away, kissing her nose.

Catherine crinkled her nose, blushing a little.

"What?"

Catherine smiled. "It just felt... nice."

Sara smiled, doing it again.

Catherine tilted her head up to capture Sara's lips.

Sara moaned, lightly running her hand through Catherine's hair.

Catherine gave a soft moan, deepening their kiss.

Sara's fingers gently caressed her cheeks.

Catherine slowly pulled away. "As amazing as that was, I need to stop before I want more than I'm ready for."

Sara nodded. "That's perfectly fine. You're still injured anyway."

"Promise you'll wait for me? That you won't get sick of waiting and go elsewhere."

"I promise," she said, kissing her nose again.

Catherine, again, blushed as she buried her face against Sara's neck.

Sara smiled. "I'm not going anywhere."

Just as Catherine relaxed against her, there was a knock on the door.

Sara sat Catherine back on the couch as she walked over. "Who is it?"

"Gil," he replied from the other side.

Sara smiled opening the door and sitting beside Catherine again. "Hi."

"Hi," he smiled, taking a seat opposite them.

"What's he said?" Catherine asked straight away.

Sara nodded. "Good question."

Gil sighed. "That the quantity of drugs we found in his posession belong to you for starters."

Sara winced. "Yeah, great start." She sighed. "Well, if you were going to say something, best to say it now."

Catherine sighed. "I used to have a problem, but I haven't done it in years. I swear."

Gil raised an eyebrow at the admission, then nodded. "I believe you," he replied. "He also said he attacked you in self defense."

"I only attacked him because he drug me upstairs by my hair, bashed my skull into the wall, stepped on and crushed my wrist, threw me down and kicked me so hard he broke my ribs. After he sat on me and started punching my face... A-and after...h-he th-threw me on the bed and...he...he," she burried her head into Sara, sobbing.

Sara held her tightly. "It's ok, Catherine."

"I'm sorry, I do need to push you, Catherine," Gil said quietly, "What happened next?"

Catherine leaned into Sara turning her head so she could talk. "H...he pushed his pants and underwear to his ankles, stripping me of mine and raped me. I begged, I pleaded for him to stop, and finally he did. But I've just realized I've gone out order a bit. Not about the abuse, but we were shouting..."

"In your own time," he said with a nod.

"He drug me upstairs because...I left the house a mess when I went to lunch and I was late. I told him I had to work to support his habbits. He said he wouldn't have those habits if I respected him. Then he slammed my face into the wall."

"Did you say anything back?"

"I said he wouldn't do that if he respected me. But after he slammed my face into the wall, I grabbed the lamp and hit him over the head. He threw me down and kicked me, broke my wrist. He demanded I apokogize. I refused at first, but when he squeezed my broken wrist I apologized. Then he wanted me to "make it up to him". He raped me."

"That will be all for now unless you'd like to add anything?"

Catherine shook her head. "I'm sorry it was so scattered. My memory's not...the best... My head is still killing me."

"It's understandable. Catherine, one more thing, how long has the abuse been happening?"

Catherine sighed. "Since...the week after we were married. I...thought he would change, that he loved me. I didn't know what else to do."

Gil placed a hand gently over Catherine's, squeezing sympathetically as he nodded. "I'm sorry. I promise we'll make him stay away from you for a very long time."

Catherine nodded.

"It's not that she kept anything back when telling you, per se, it's that her short-term memory hasn't quite come back yet," Sara answered.

Catherine nodded. "Yeah, a few things are a little fuzzy and I don't remember when I came out here. Did I take my pain pills?"

Sara nodded. "As soon as you came out here."

"I'll leave you to rest and be in touch," Gil said before showing himself out.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the rape," Catherine said quietly.

Sara tapped her head. "See?" she whispered.

Grissom nodded. "It's all right. I know now. Get some rest you two," he said, leaving.

"Can we lay down?"

Sara nodded, helping her back to the bedroom and into bed as she laid beside her. "How do you feel?"

"My head is killing. I'm so achy."

Sara nodded. "It's ok. Lay however you want."

Catherine eventually found a comfortable position, leaning against Sara. "Is Lindsay at school?"

"Yes, she is."

Catherine nodded feeling sleepy. "These painkillers are really taking my energy away."

"Does your head hurt more?"

"No. What time is Gil coming?"

Sara shook her head. "Sweetie, he was just here. Go ahead and sleep, ok?"

Catherine nodded whispering an apology as she fell asleep.

Sara kissed her nose. "Shh, sleep," she said, falling asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: malfoystinksstinks, helly1bradleywyatt, greyslover112 &amp; Guest1<strong>


	8. Night Alone

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 8: Night Alone**

Over the next two months Catherine slowly began to heal. Her wrist was now out of its cast and her memory returning to normal, though she still had times when she forgot thingsm especially when stressed, so she still wasn't back on full duties at work yet. Her relationships with both her daughter and Sara strengthened and she was never far from Sara whenever she had the opportunity. It was now their night off and Catherine had been snuggled up close to Sara on the sofa whilst Lindsay stayed at her friend's house.

Sara held her tightly. "How are you feeling?" she asked, kissing her gently.

Catherine returned the kiss softly. "I'm fine."

Sara smiled. "What do you want to do?"

"Don't know," Catherine whispered, deepening their kiss.

Sara pulled Catherine into her lap, moaning into the kiss. "Maybe we should have dinner first."

"You saying I'm going to need energy for something?"

The brunette nodded, smirking. "Should we order in or do you want to cook?"

"I could cook if you like? Since I'm now able."

"Steak? I-I mean if you don't mind..."

"Sure," Catherine smiled, kissing her cheek before going to busy herself in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Sara retreated to the bedroom, making up the bed and putting a few extra blankets on it to soften it before walking back out to sit on the couch.

"Here you go," Catherine smiled, passing Sara her plate and some cutlery a short while later.

Sara smiled, taking her plate. "Thank you."

"I hope it's ok," Catherine said hesitantly, slowly eating her own.

Sara took a small bite. "Perfect, but it's missing something," she said, setting the plate on the coffee table and going into the kitchen and coming back with steak sauce that she put on her plate before dipping it. "Better."

Catherine smiled, kissing Sara's cheek. "You look beautiful by the way."

"So do you. Everything's healing so well."

"The scar on my cheek is slowly fading now too. I thought it would never go."

Sara smiled, kissing the scar. "But the emotional trauma will still take a while longer to fade."

"I know. I'm working on them, I promise."

The brunette nodded, continuing to eat. "You can talk to me anytime."

"I know, but there are some things I need to figure out alone," Catherine smiled.

"I hope you guys aren't planning on leaving."

"We're definitely staying."

Sara smiled, finishing her steak. "Thank you. It was very, very good."

Catherine smiled, taking the plates out before returning to Sara's lap, kissing her softly.

Sara smiled, kissing her deeply. "Mmm..."

"Mmm yourself," Catherine smirked.

Sara smiled. "How about a softer spot?"

"Like?"

"My bed?"

Catherine smiled. "Lead the way."

Sara stood, taking Catherine's hand and leading her back, closing the door. She sat them on the bed. "Now what?"

"Whatever you want," Catherine said softly before kissing her deeply.

Sara wrapped her arms around her, moaning into her mouth, rubbing her back.

Catherine moaned softly, slipping her tongue into Sara's mouth.

Sara moaned, her tongue playing with Catherine's as she held her close.

Catherine wrapped her arms around Sara's neck, pulling her closer.

"You're so beautiful."

"I will never tire of hearing you say that," Catherine smiled, until now having made an excuse against it.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"Are you sure?"

Catherine smiled, placing a hand lightly on Sara's cheek. "I trust you."

Sara walked her fingers across Catherine's chest before kissing her neck.

Catherine gasped softly followed quickly by a moan. "Mmm."

Sara kissed along her collarbone. "Mmm..."

Catherine shivered a little at the light contact. "Sara..."

Sara smiled at the response, doing it again.

Catherine gave a weak moan.

Sara smiled at her, leaning her down onto the bed, lying beside her and holding her close as she sucked lightly on her neck.

"Ohh... mmm," Catherine moaned deeply.

Slowly, Sara's hands slid under the back of her shirt. She moaned as she caressed the soft skin.

Catherine's body shivered again, harder than last time. "Sara... wait..."

Sara stopped, stroking Catherine's cheek as she looked her in the eye. "What's wrong?"

Catherine moved her hands to cup Sara's face, shaking her head as she looked deeply into Sara's eyes. "I love you," she said softly.

Sara smiled. "I love you too. I'm so glad you're feeling better."

Catherine smiled, kissing her hard.

Sara moaned, pulling Catherine on top of her.

Catherine pulled at Sara's top, swiftly removing it before rolling them back over.

Sara smiled, gently removing Catherine's before kissing her neck again.

"Mmm, Sara..." Catherine moaned.

"Yes? Something you want?"

"You.. everywhere..." she moaned in response.

Sara smiled, moving down to gently suck on her right breast.

Catherine gave a loud moan as she felt it instantly harden.

Sara moaned, sucking on the peak. swirling her tongue around it.

"Ohh mmm..."

Sara sucked harder.

Catherine moaned louder, running her hands lightly along Sara's sides.

Sara sucked on the risen peak.

"Sara..." Catherine moaned

Sara pulled up, smiling at her as she kissed her.

"I need you," she whispered into the kiss.

Sara smiled, rolling to the side and slowly stripping Catherine before herself.

Catherine pulled Sara close, desperate to feel a physical closeness to the only person to ever make her feel loved.

Sara held her close, kissing her passionately. "Mmm," she moaned.

Catherine moaned into the kiss, her hands running lightly over Sara's back.

Sara kissed down her neck. "What do you want?"

"You," Catherine replied, her voice breathy.

Sara sat up. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yes, why?" Catherine asked.

"Because..." she began before digging in a drawer for a harness and toy, "I wondered if you would want this."

"Oh, I... um... sure."

"Are you sure? We won't if you really don't want to. I want you to be comfortable."

Catherine nodded. "I want to. I trust you. It's just all new to me."

Sara nodded, setting the items on the nightstand and sitting back beside Catherine, hugging her tightly as she kissed her gently.

Catherine gave a soft moan, returning the kiss. She slowly pulled back with a nod. "Ok."

Sara smiled, pulling the items on, slicking the toy with a more-than-generous glob of lubricant. She knew she wouldn't need it, but did it anyway. Sara sat beside her. "Favorite position?"

"I don't really... I'd love to find ours tonight."

Sara nodded. "How about on your hands and knees? Or your side?"

Catherine quickly moved to her hands and knees. "Like this baby?"

Sara smiled wdely, getting behind her and wrapping her arms around her stomach as she leaned into her, kissing her back. "Mhm..."

Catherine's body shivered as she gave a soft moan.

Sara pulled back, standing on her knees, grabbing the toy and stroking Catherine's slit with it.

Catherine gave a soft moan. "Tease,"she whispered.

Sara smiled. "Ready?"

Catherine nodded. "Yes."

Sara grabbed Catherine's hips and slowly thrust in, moaning. "Oh yeah..."

Catherine's lips released a long, soft moan.

Sara eased herself in until their hips touched, staying still to let Catherine get used to it. "Say when."

Catherine gasped a little when their hips touched, adjusting to the toy. "Ready," she whispered.

Sara started off easy, thrusting gentle and slow. "Don't be too shy, babe. I'd love to know how you like it once you're comfortable."

Catherine moaned softly when she felt Sara begin moving. "Mmm."

"Tell me when you want it...faster...harder..." Sara moaned softly, keeping a steady, even pace.

Catherine moaned louder when she realized she controlled Sara's actions. "Mmm... harder baby."

Sara moaned, gripping her hips harder as she thrust hard. "If...it's...too much...say so..."

"Oh, yes! Faster!" Catherine cried.

Sara groaned, going faster and faster. "Oh god!"

Catherine's breath quickened as her moans grew louder.

Sara pulled out all the way, going back in slowly.

"Oh Sara!"

She smirked, doing it again before going faster.

"Shit!" Catherine cried, her body beginning to shake.

Sara suddenly pressed her down to the mattress, so she had a steeper angle. "Yes baby! Oh yeah..."

Catherine's eyes closed tightly as she concentrated on Sara's voice, moving back against her.

Sara let go, just thrusting quickly. "Mmm, gonna come on me, baby?

Catherine maintained the angle. "Y-yes..." she managed.

Sara went faster. "Mmm..oh yes..."

"Ohh... SARAAAAAA!" Catherine screamed as she came hard.

Sara grinned, pulling away slowly. She was on the edge, but didn't want to overwhelm Catherine.

Catherine slowly turned, pulling Sara down to kiss her as she caught her breath, a hand slowly moving down her body and around the toy to stroke Sara's clit very lightly. "So wet..." she moaned in her ear.

Sara moaned against her, clawing at her back. "Didn't...want to...exhaust you..." she panted.

"On the contrary, I've been saving energy. Tell me what you need..."

Sara rolled onto her back. "Ride..." she gasped out.

Catherine smirked. She didn't know she could have this affect on anyone. Moving to straddle Sara, Catherine hovered above the toy, leaning down to kiss Sara somewhat roughly as she took the full length of the toy.

Sara moaned as she kissed her. "Oh...yes...honey..."

"So... want to watch me ride you?" Catherine whispered, suddenly finding some confidence.

Sara smiled. "Very much...if you...want..."

Catherine pulled back as she sat up, beginning to ride her fast. "Mmm Sara..." she moaned, running her nails over Sara's stomach.

The brunette moaned. "Oh God...yes. So close!"

Catherine smirked, gripping one of Sara's hands for support as she ground against her with every movement. Suddenly feeling an urge, Catherine leant back slightly, placing an arm behind herself, entering Sara with three fingers.

"OH YES!" Sara screamed, bucking hard into her. "Baby, I can't hold it!"

Catherine curled her fingers as she moaned louder. "Let go honey."

Sara grasped her hips, bucking wildly into her. "OH...GOD! YES! YES! CATHERINE!" she screamed, coming hard.

Catherine's hand gripped Sara's tightly as she watched her, only lasting seconds before she came hard all over the toy and Sara, screaming her name.

Sara held her tightly, stroking her hair. "Mmm. You're amazing."

"Mmm, you mean you are."

Sara rolled them to the side, slowly, pulling out. "Now what?"

Catherine kissed her gently. "What do you want to do?"

"I love you. Forever..."

Catherine quickly brushed a tear from her eye as it threatened to fall. "I love you too. Always," she whispered.

Sara wiped her eyes. "Hey, what's the matter?"

Catherine pressed a finger to Sara's lips. "Shh..." she whispered, replacing her finger with a gentle kiss.

Sara smiled, ditching the toy and pulling her close again, wrapping her legs around Catherine.

Catherine entwined their legs, holding Sara tightly, looking into her eyes.

Sara smiled, littering Catherine's face with light kisses.

Catherine crinkled her nose as she started laughing.

"What? What's so funny?"

"I probably shouldn't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you'll use it against me."

"Depends."

Catherine sighed. "I'm very ticklish."

Sara smiled. "Do you want me to use it?"

"That depends on if you want to," Catherine smirked.

"Well, how would you feel if I did?"

"I might complain, but I can't say I'd mind."

Sara smiled again, kissing her neck, her hands trailing Catherine's ribs lightly.

Catherine gave a soft sigh, wriggling a little underneath her.

Sara kissed down her stomach.

"That feels amazing..." Catherine whispered.

The brunette smiled up at her. "Mmm..."

Catherine pulled Sara back up to kiss her deeply, flipping them over.

Sara moaned softly. "What's on your mind?"

"You. Only you," Catherine whispered by Sara's ear, beginning to suck on Sara's neck.

Sara held her close, running her hands through Catherine's hair.

"You're amazing," Catherine said softly nipping along Sara's collarbone.

"Really? Why?"

Catherine stopped, looking back up at the brunette moving to look into her eyes. She placed her hands on Sara's cheeks, brushing Sara's lips with her thumbs lightly. "Because Miss Sidle, whether you realize it or not, you saved me, and Lindsay. For that, I owe you my life."

Sara sat up, hugging her tightly. "I'm glad I did."

"So am I," Catherine smiled, kissing her gently.

Sara purred.

Catherine sucked Sara's lower lip.

Sara kissed harder.

"Sara..." Catherine moaned, nipping occasionally.

Sara pullled back, stroking her cheek.

"What?" Catherine whispered.

Sara smiled, kissing her cheek. "You. You're just...amazing."

"I'd try and argue that point, but I think I'd lose, so thank you," Catherine smiled.

Sara kissed a line across her collarbone again.

Catherine released a soft moan.

Sara kissed down the center on Catherine's chest.

Catherine's eyes closed as she arched a little closer.

Sara pulled her close, going up to kiss her neck.

"You make me feel amazing.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Sara kissed her gently. "Now what do you want to do?"

"Why don't you decide for a change?"

She blushed a bit. "I, uh, I could use a little nourishment..."

Catherine smiled. "You read my mind."

Sara sat up, pulling on a t-shirt and shorts. "Did you want something to wear?"

Catherine nodded, pulling on an oversized t-shirt of Sara's before taking her hand.

Sara stood, leading her out to the kitchen. "So... what do you want to cook?"

"What would you like?" Catherine smiled.

"Uh...pasta?"

"Sure," Catherine replied, kissing Sara's cheek, "Sit down, relax and I'll sort it."

Sara smiled, sitting down at the table. "How are you eating?" she asked suddenly.

"I... I'm doing ok."

"You're just used to not eating much?"

Catherine nodded. "I am trying."

Sara nodded. "Good. I wish I'd known sooner."

"It's not the easiest thing to confide in someone about."

Sara nodded. "That's true."

"Especially when it's been going on for so long and you just think it's your own fault anyway."

"It wasn't. Ever."

"I thought it was in the beginning. Mind you, that was our wedding night," Catherine confessed.

"When you ate?"

"Anytime. I was his wife now, I had to be as I was told."

Sara walked up behind her, kissing her cheek. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I know, but still."

"I-I know I still get jumpy and have flashbacks when I'm with you, and for what it's worth, I know you're not him nor would you ever be like him, but I am doing my best to try to overcome those."

Sara nodded. "I understand. It's still fresh, raw. But if you want to talk about anything, I'm here. I promise. Or if you'd rather a touched you in a different, specific way, all you need to do is tell me. Though, I do hope, one day, you can tell me everything so I can help you."

Catherine gave a small smile as she nodded, turning her head to kiss Sara softly. "I thought I told you to sit down," she smiled.

Sara kissed her softly. "I know," she said, going back to sit at the table.

Catherine busied herself making their dinner before placing two plates of pasta on the table, kissing Sara's forehead. Slowly, she sat opposite the brunette. "Is it ok?"

Sara smiled, taking a bite. "Perfect."

Catherine smiled, taking her time to eat her smaller portion, reaching across the table for Sara's hand halfway through.

Sara looked up, squeezing her hand gently as she smiled. "Are you sure you don't want any more?"

Having promised to try harder, Catherine looked up to meet Sara's eyes. "Maybe a little."

"Oh, you don't _have_ to. I was only asking. it's something we can work at," Sara kissed her hand, "okay?"

Catherine smiled with a nod. "Okay."

Sara stood, grabbing Catherine's plate and giving her another half portion, setting it in front of her, and sitting beside her.

As Catherine stabbed one of the pieces of pasta with her fork, she looked at Sara. "You think they'll let me do more at work now I've got my cast off?"

"Yes, but your memory needs to improve a bit more too."

"I am working on it," Catherine sighed.

Sara nodded. "I know you are and you're doing so much better."

Catherine smiled, resting her head on Sara's shoulder as she ate a little more, then pushed the plate away. "I'm done."

Sara smiled. "Should we go to bed?"

"Sounds wonderful."

Sara cleared the table before extending her hand to Catherine. "Shall we?"

Catherine nodded, kissing Sara's cheek gently before following her through.

Sara smiled as they entered, closing the bedroom door. Sara sat beside her again, snuggling her close.

Catherine gave a content sigh, staying close to the brunette.

The brunette smirked, kissing her.

"Sara..." Catherine murmured softly into the kiss.

"Mmm, I wouldn't be opposed to cuddling the rest of the night. Would you?"

"I'd love nothing more."

Sara smiled, slipping into bed.

Catherine slid down with her, laying a hand on her chest.

Sara sighed with content, holding her close.

For the first time in years, Catherine relaxed and quickly fell asleep.

Sara covered them up, turning off the light, falling asleep quickly after.

* * *

><p>It was morning before either of them moved, Catherine finally shifted slightly, pulling the younger woman closer.<p>

Sara snuggled closer, burying her head in Catherine's neck. "Brrrr!"

Catherine pulled the covers up higher. "Sorry," she whispered.

"...'S okay," she answered sleepily. "You ok?"

"Wasn't comfy, am now."

Sara tucked the blankets around them. "Me too."

"Get some more sleep, baby."

Sara nodded, kissing her cheek and falling back asleep.

Catherine watched Sara for the next hour before dozing. It was something she'd grown accustomed to and watching the brunette sleep seemed to bring a sense of calm and safety.

Sara turned into her, on her side, snuggling even closer. "Mmmm..."

"Better?" Catherine whispered sleepily.

"Mhmm."

"Can we stay here all day?"

"Maybe," Sara responded.

Catherine smiled, kissing Sara's forehead. "Is this forever?" she whispered.

"I hope so."

"So do I," Catherine said softly, "I just want things to be normal, whatever normal is."

Sara kissed her softly. "They will be. _Our_ normal. I won't let him hurt you, or Lindsay, ever."

"I don't want to mention him again."

Sara nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok. I just... I want to put it behind me, move on."

"It's still going to take some time."

Catherine nodded. "I want to experience everything with you. All the stuff I missed out on."

Taking Catherine's face in her hands, Sara kissed her hard, nipping her lip. She moaned softly.

Catherine moaned softly, returning the kiss.

Sara's arms wrapped around her, pulling Catherine on top of her as she rubbed her back.

Catherine ran her fingers through Sara's hair, slipping her tongue into Sara's mouth.

The brunette moaned, holding her tightly.

Catherine's hands moved to brush Sara's sides lightly as she moaned.

"I love you..."

"God, I love you too," Catherine murmured, moving her lips to Sara's neck with feather light kisses.

Sara kissed her neck.

"Mmm... so good..." Catherine managed.

Sara's hand snuck between them, rubbing the sides of Catherine's clit, moaning in her ear.

Catherine gasped, her head rolling to the side a little. "Sara..."

Sara smiled, kissing her neck. "Mmm. I won't if you don't want me to."

Just hearing those words from Sara's lips seemed to affirm in her mind, once again, her next few words. "Don't... stop..." she whispered.

Sara rubbed her back with one hand, caressing her clit with the other.

"God... I need you..." Catherine moaned, moving to nip Sara's neck.

Sara moaned, slipping three fingers into Catherine. "Like this?"

Catherine groaned. "Yes..." she managed, biting Sara's neck before sucking over the spot.

The brunette gasped, then moaned. "Ohhh..." She moved her fingers slowly.

"You like that?" Catherine asked, rolling them onto their sides, her hand moving around Sara's to lightly stroke the brunette's clit, "Mmm... so wet, baby..."

Sara moaned. "Mmm...so good. Can you take another?"

"I can take whatever you have to give," Catherine whispered, moaning into Sara's ear as she teased the brunette with a pinch.

She gasped a bit, laying a leg over Catherine's hips. Slowly, Sara eased a fourth finger inside, moaning at the tightness it created. but staying still.

"Shit..." Catherine hissed, slipping three of her own fingers inside Sara.

Sara moaned, kissing her gently. "It's ok. Easy. I won't move until you say it's ok."

Catherine kissed her deeply with a nod.

Sara moved slowly, her fingers walking up and down Catherine's side. "Feel ok?"

"Very... ok..." Catherine moaned, moving her own fingers in time with Sara's.

Sara moaned, kissing her passionately, going a bit faster.

Catherine sucked Sara's bottom lip as she too increased speed, her thumb brushing the brunette's clit with each movement.

Sara moaned louder, her thumb grazing Catherine's clit.

"Oh god..." Catherine moaned, curling her fingers slightly, "More..."

Sara moaned into her neck. "God...yes." She went faster.

"Mmm, please, yes..." Catherine moaned louder, going harder.

"Yes, Cath...oh yes..." she moaned, moving her fingers harder as her hips began to rock slightly.

"Yes... yes!" Catherine cried, curling her fingers harder as her hips bucked, grinding against Sara's hand.

Sara moaned louder, their hands almost touching as their hips bucked. "Yes..." she said, going faster. "Come for me."

Catherine pushed a fourth finger inside Sara deeply, curling them hard as she came hard. "S-SARAAA!"

"C...CATH! YESSSSSS!" she screamed, kissing her hard.

Catherine pressed her thumb against Sara's throbbing nub in moving in a circling motion as she pulled away to kiss roughly down Sara's neck down to take one of the brunette's nipples in her mouth.

Sara groaned, sliding her fingers out, licking them clean.

Catherine moaned as she watched her, then nipped down the centre of Sara's body, shifting her thumb to lightly flick the younger woman's clit with her tongue.

Sara gasped, moaning. Her body was still shaking, so it wouldn't take much.

"You're so... fucking... sexy when... you moan," Catherine whispered, nipping between words, "Come... for me... baby..."

Sara moaned, her hips bucking hard. "Mmm..."

Catherine swiftly removed her fingers, slipping her tongue inside swirling it hard as she pinched Sara's clit.

The brunette gasped, crying out, bucking her hips against her. "Oh yes. Yesss..."

Catherine's free hand moved to run her nails along her stomach.

Sara gasped, crying out louder as she came hard into Catherine's mouth. "CAAAAAAATH!"

Catherine moaned, drinking all Sara gave before moving up to pull her close.

Sara was still panting lightly as she held her close, kissing her gently.

"I love you," Catherine whispered into their kiss.

"I love you too," she said, sitting up, pulling Catherine with her. "Mmm, want to try a different toy?"

"Sure," Catherine smiled.

Sara kissed her passionately. She then laid her in the middle of the bed, sitting up and digging into the nightstand. She laid beside her again, slowly inserting the large toy.

Catherine gasped, her eyes focused on Sara.

Sara kissed her gently, slipping her tongue in as she turned the toy in the lowest setting, holding her gently.

Catherine moaned deeply into the kiss, pulling Sara closer.

Sara moaned. "Like that, honey?"

"Yes..."

Sara kissed her gently.

Catherine kissed her deeply, rocking against the toy a little.

Sara moaned gently. "More?"

"Mmm, please honey..."

Sara smiled, turning it to the second setting.

"Ohhh..." Catherine managed in barely a whisper, her body arching a little.

She smiled, kissing her gently.

Catherine took slow breaths as she returned the kiss not wanting to rush herself.

Sara moaned softly.

"Sara..." Catherine murmured, followed by a long moan.

The brunette turned the toy to the highest setting.

Catherine threw her head back against the pillow at the unanticipated move with a gasp, her hips beginning to buck. "Fuck... yes!"

Sara moaned, holding her close, moaning by her ear.

"So... c-close..." Catherine cried, her body beginning to shake as her hips bucked harder.

Sara gradually moved the toy in and out.

"YES! OHHH... SARAAAA!" Catherine screamed as she came harder than before, clutching the sheet tightly.

Sara moaned. "Mmm."

Catherine's body shook hard as her body slowly relaxed, collapsing back against the bed.

Sara caught her gently, pulling the toy out.

Catherine pulled Sara close, kissing her temple. "Look at me."

Sara did as she asked.

Catherine brushed her cheek lightly with the back of her hand. "I am completely in love with you."

Sara smiled. "I know I'm in in love with you. I don't ever want you to go away. Will you stay?"

"Are you asking me to stay, officially?" Catherine asked.

"Yes," she answered, "I know it's really too soon, but I love you and Lindsay."

A smiled pulled to Catherine's lips. "We would love to."

Sara kissed her gently. "I love you."

"I love you too," Catherine smiled.

"Would you help me clean out that spare room for Lindsay?"

"Yes. Though she'll be disappointed she can't sleep on the sofa."

"Why does she like that so much?"

"Because... because the sofa was always her father's territory. We were lucky if we got to watch a movie together. We usually stayed out of the living room."

"Okay, but...why does she like it? I don't understand."

"Because, once you've gone to bed, sometimes I sneak out and we curl up and watch a film together, or just talk about school or her friends. We make popcorn and eat chocolate. We've never had that before so I guess she sees it as a treat."

Sara slowly nodded, finding a spot in the room interesting. It wasn't jealousy, exactly. Catherine and Lindsay had just come out of a bad place and had never really spent time together like a mother and daughter should. But...while she was glad they could do that, she...she just wished she'd been included. Catherine sneaking away...it felt like something was wrong with Sara and she wanted to break free. "That's good for you too."

Catherine turned Sara's face toward her, kissing her softly. "I... I need to talk to Lindsay when we pick her up later, about staying permanently. It's not going to be a problem, she loves it here, but I just need to talk to her about it. Is that ok?"

Sara nodded, smiling gently. "Of course."

Catherine smiled, moving to kiss down Sara's neck gently. "Then... I thought... we could... go out... for a family... dinner..."

Sara moaned softly. "Wh-where?"

"Your choice," Catherine smiled, pulling back to stroke her cheek.

"I'll need to think about it."

"That's fine," Catherine smiled. "Shall we make a start on Lindsay's room?"

Sara smiled, pulling on her clothes.

* * *

><p>They were both exhausted by the time they'd cleared the spare room for Lindsay.<p>

Luckily, Lindsay had been dropped home and Catherine left Sara in the bedroom as she sat Lindsay down. "I need to talk to you honey."

"Mommy, we're not going back to live with Daddy, are we?" she asked, her eyes huge and round and teary. "I don't wanna go."

"Hey, shh...That's never going to happen again, I promise," Catherine replied, pulling Lindsay into her arms, "It's about staying here..."

Lindsay nodded, snuggling into her. "What about it?"

"How would feel about staying permanently?"

Lindsay thought a minute. "Yes. I want to."

Catherine smiled. "In which case the spare room is yours," she smiled, "Lindsay, about Sara..."

"Yeah, what about her?"

"The thing is... Sara and I, we..." Catherine struggled.

Lindsay looked at her intently.

"I love her..." Catherine blurted.

Lindsay nodded slowly. "Are you going to marry her?"

Sara, who was on her way from Lindsay's new room, stopped in the hall.

"I'd like to someday. How would you feel if I did?"

"I like her a lot."

Catherine smiled, kissing Lindsay's forehead. "I love you, Lindsay."

"I love you too. We never have to go back?"

"Never. I promise."

Sara walked out a few minutes later. "How about we go to lunch?"

"Really?!" Lindsay grinned.

"Yes, but did you want a bath or a shower before we go?" Sara asked.

"Ok," Lindsay smiled, moving from her mother's lap, then past Sara before turning back, "Hey, Sara..."

"Yes?"

"Wanna join Mom and I for a movie night later?"

"Uh...sure why not?" Sara said with a smile.

"Cool," Lindsay smiled, hugging the brunette before running off to the bathroom.

Sara sat beside Catherine, resting her head on her shoulder.

Catherine smiled, kissing her forehead. "Are you ok?"

Sara sighed, nodding as she wrapped her arms around her. "I just like it here."

"I like having you here," Catherine replied, "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Sara nodded. "Yes... it's just last night when you were talking about sneaking out here to be with Lindsay, even though I'm happy you can do that, I guess it feels...like you're running from me."

"It's really not like that, Sara. I just... I feel guilty. I guess I'm trying to make up for lost time."

"And I understand that...now. Believe me, it's ok. It just made me feel bad at first."

"I never meant to make you feel like that. I'm sorry."

Sara smiled, kissing her nose in an affectionate gesture, and hugging her tightly.

They stayed that way until Lindsay's voice broke their silence as she entered after her shower. "Mommy, have you kissed her yet?"

Sara smiled at Catherine. "Yeah, have you?"

"I... y-yes, why?"

"Really? When?" Lindsay asked.

"A while ago. Why are you being so nosey?"

Lindsay smiled. "Well...both of you have a bruise on your neck. Did you fall?"

Sara instantly covered her neck. "Well..."

Catherine stood quickly. "Right you, coat and shoes on, we're going now."

Sara ran back to her room, grabbing some cover up and sticking it in her jacket pocket and walking back out.

Catherine ushered Lindsay out to the car. "Do you want to drive?" she asked Sara.

Sara nodded, finishing her neck and handing it to Catherine. "Here," she said getting in the driver's seat.

Catherine smiled, looking in the mirror once she had her belt on, applying the cream, then reached for Sara's hand. "Where did you choose?"

"How about pizza?"

"Sounds great," Catherine replied, leaning over to kiss Sara's cheek.

Sara smiled. "I hope this is the start of many."

"Me too," Catherine smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: OAEJCOCs<strong>


	9. Happiness

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 9: Happiness**

Over the next few weeks, Lindsay made sure Friday and Saturday nights they either went for dinner or stayed in with movies and snacks. She always made sure she sat between them or on her mother's lap with her head resting against Sara.

The pair seemed to grow closer and as Catherine had left for work early to do some paperwork, Lindsay curled up next to a sleeping Sara, with an arm draped over her, falling back to sleep.

Sara pulled her close, covering her more with the blanket, kissing her head as she fell back asleep.

An hour later, Lindsay became restless, whimpering as she slept.

Sara sat up, hugging her close and rubbing her back. "Hey, it's ok."

Lindsay held tightly to Sara as she sobbed. "Please don't tell Mommy."

Sara pulled her into her arms, kissing her head. "Hey Linds, it's ok. Don't tell Mommy what?"

"T-that I had a b-bad dream."

"What kind of bad dream?" Sara said, stroking her cheek. "What happened?"

"D-daddy came back a-and he hurt Mommy again. T-then she went away f-forever," Lindsay managed crying harder.

Sara sat Lindsay up, hugging her tightly. "Sweetie, he's not going to hurt Mommy ever again."

Lindsay nodded, finally calming. "I'm glad Mommy found you."

Sara smiled, kissing her cheek. "Me too. Do you want to sleep for a little longer and I'll get breakfast on the table or do you want to come with me?"

"Can I come with you?"

Sara nodded, pushing the covers back and standing, taking her hand. "Let's go."

"I never saw Mommy properly smile until you made her."

Sara smiled. "I'm glad I did," she said as they walked into the kitchen.

"Can we make breakfast together?"

"What do you want?"

"Pancakes."

"Ok, I think I have batter in the bottom cupboard."

Lindsay smiled as she retrieved the batter. "There you go, Mommy," she said, quickly covering her mouth.

Sara smirked as she got a bowl. "It's ok."

Lindsay smiled, hugging her briefly, stepping up to the counter. "Have we got everything?"

Sara nodded, grabbing a pan from under the stove.

Lindsay smiled again as she added the ingredients together and mixed the batter, wiping some on the end of Sara's nose when she turned around. "Done!"

Sara smiled, dabbing some on Lindsay's nose. "Good."

Lindsay crinkled her nose the same way Catherine did. "You like Mommy, don't you?"

"Yes I do. Why?"

"Do you love her?"

Sara smiled again. "Why?"

"I hope you do, because Mommy needs to be loved instead of hurt all the time."

Sara hugged her tightly. "I do," she said, turning on her stove.

"If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell Mommy? I don't want her to be sad anymore."

"Well, it depends on what it is."

"I broke her favorite bottle of perfume. It was an accident, I promise!"

"It's ok. Do you know where she got it? Maybe we can get her another."

Lindsay nodded. "It's her birthday on Tuesday."

"Should we get her another?"

Lindsay nodded. "But I don't have much money."

"I can help too."

Lindsay smiled. "Ok. Sara?"

"Yeah?" Sara asked.

"I didn't like my Daddy, but I'd really like to have two Mommies... I-if that's ok with you..."

Sara looked at her surprised, flipping the pancakes with a spatula. "Well...yes. That's ok. But why do you want two Mommies? Is there a reason?"

"Because you love my Mommy and I like staying here and you're kind and you take care of me just like a Mommy should."

Sara smiled, kissing her head. "How many do you want?"

"Mommies? Two. Pancakes... three."

Sara smiled, sliding a hot pancake onto Lindsay's plate an pouring more batter.

"After breakfast can we watch a film?"

Sara flipped the pancake, waiting a minute before sliding it onto her own plate. "Maybe," she answered as she poured more batter.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Is there anything for your room that you're missing?"

"Hmm... a bedside lamp?" Lindsay replied. "These pancakes are really good, thank you."

Sara smiled, bringing the syrup to the table. "Drink?"

"Orange juice please."

Sara smiled pouring herself a glass of milk and Lindsay a glass of orange juice, bringing it back to the table.

"Thank you," Lindsay smiled. "Where's Mommy?"

"She had to go to work early to get some paperwork done."

"But she missed breakfast."

"Well, we have enough batter to make her breakfast to take to her if you want."

Lindsay nodded. "She needs to eat."

Sara nodded, finishing her pancakes and making a few more pancakes to put them into a plastic container, slathering them in syrup, before closing a lid on them.

* * *

><p>Catherine sat at her desk, deep in thought as she studied the paperwork in front of her. She'd been at work a few hours and the pile on her desk didn't seem to be getting any smaller.<p>

Sara and Lindsay knocked on her office door.

"Come in," Catherine called, not looking up.

Sara let Lindsay go first with the pancakes as she walked in, closing the door. "We brought you breakfast."

"Wow, thank you," Catherine smiled, kissing Lindsay's cheek. "This is a lovely surprise!"

Sara smiled, sitting on the edge of her desk. "How's the paperwork going?"

"I swear it's grown since I got here."

The brunette sighed, handing her a fork.

"I might finish up soon though. I'm not meant to be here today anyway," Catherine smiled, taking a bite. "These are really good."

Sara smiled. "Good. Thank you."

"Can you sign off this report whilst you're here?" Catherine asked, passing her a file.

Sara looked through the papers. "Sure," she said, signing her name.

Catherine smiled, finishing the pancakes as she pulled Lindsay onto her lap. "And what have you two been up to this morning apart from making pancakes?"

Lindsay smiled. "Nothing really."

Catherine nodded, pulling Sara down to place a light kiss on her lips. "Shall we go?"

Sara smiled, kissing her lightly. "Sure."

Lindsay leant forward to kiss both their cheeks, then jumped from Catherine's lap, taking Sara's hand. "Where are we off to?"

"How about home?"

"Sounds perfect," Catherine smiled, wrapping her arm around both of them.

Sara smiled, walking out.

* * *

><p>When they arrived home, Catherine puled Sara close as Lindsay ran inside. Dipping her head, she kissed the brunette deeply.<p>

Sara moaned softly, wrapping her arms around her.

"Mmm, you seem happy today."

"I am. She's such an amazing kid."

"Can we stay close today?"

Sara smiled, hugging her tightly. "I hope so."

Catherine pulled the brunette closer. "I love you, Sidle."

Sara smiled. "I love you too, Willows."

"I'll never tire of telling you I love you."

"And I'll never get tired of hearing it."

"Are you two done being all mushy now?" Lindsay called.

Sara smirked. "Why? Did you want something?"

"A cuddle. With both of you on the sofa."

Sara smiled. "Sure. Come on out."

Lindsay smiled, leading them both to sit down on the sofa before climbing onto Sara's lap, snuggling close.

Catherine smiled as she watched them, then wrapped her arms around them both. "Love you guys."

"We love you too," Sara and Lindsay said together, snuggling into her.

Catherine held them close for a long time, relaxing fully for the first time with both of them. "Our perfect family. I haven't felt this happy in a very long time."

Sara rested her head in Catherine's neck. "And I'm glad you are."

"Nothing could ruin this right now."

A few minutes later, Catherine's phone rang in her pocket...

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: ?<strong>


	10. Last Look

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 10: Last Look**

Catherine moved from their embrace seconds later, retrieving her phone. "Willows..." she answered.

"Catherine, it's Gil," Grissom responded. "Your presence is requested down at the prison hospital."

"What? Why?"

He sighed heavily. "It's not the type of thing to disclose over the phone, but... a riot broke out and well... Eddie's in a coma. So as next of kin..."

Catherine gave a heavy sigh. "But after... I... I'll be there in twenty."

Grissom nodded. "I realize he's the last person you want to see, Catherine, but he's in very bad shape and, no matter what's happened, as his next of kin, you're required to be notified-"

"-I'll come sit with Lindsay if you want to take Sara with you," Nick said.

"No, I um... she should come if she wants."

"Ok, but let me know if I need to come over," Nick said.

"Ok," Catherine replied, hanging up. Her complexion had quickly turned pale. How was she going to approach this with Lindsay?

Sara quickly noticed, laying the sleeping girl on the couch after she stood, pulling Catherine up, into their room, closing the door and holding her tightly. "What's happened?"

"I-it's Eddie. He's in a coma."

Sara kissed her cheek. "And you were required to be notified?"

Catherine nodded. "They want me to go in."

"Do you want to go?"

"I... I don't know."

Sara lead her over to the bed, sitting her down as she sat beside her, hugging her tightly. "I'll go with you."

"What about Lindsay?"

"What do you want to do?"

"If it's that bad, if he won't make it... she should be given the chance to decide for herself if she wants to say goodbye."

Sara nodded, hugging her tightly. "I'll still go with you."

Catherine nodded. "I thought I was getting through this."

"You are. No one knew this could happen, sweetie," Sara said, taking her hands and kissing them. "I love you."

Catherine nodded, kissing Sara's cheek. "I should talk to Lindsay."

Sara nodded. "I'll make hot chocolate, ok?"

Catherine nodded, taking a deep breath before sitting on the edge of the sofa. She reached out, stroking Lindsay's forehead. "Lindsay, honey..." Catherine whispered.

Sara squeezed her shoulder before walking into the kitchen.

Lindsay's eyes opened slowly. "Yes Mommy?"

Catherine pulled Lindsay into her arms. "T-there was an accident. Your Daddy, he... he's in the hospital. He's very sick."

"What happened?"

"There was a big fight and he got hurt."

"Is he gonna be ok?"

"I... No, sweetie, he's not."

"Can I see him?" she asked as Sara brought out three cups of hot chocolate and set them on the coffee table.

"If you want to," Catherine nodded, handing one to Lindsay.

Lindsay nodded, taking a small sip as Sara sat beside Catherine, kissing her cheek again.

"Ok. Finish your hot chocolate and then we'll go," Catherine replied, excusing herself to the bathroom.

Sara gave her five minutes before following and knocking on the door. "It's me."

Catherine unlocked the door, opening it slightly before wiping the corners of her mouth. "Sorry."

Sara walked in, hugging her tightly. "It's ok."

"I don't know what I'm supposed feel right now.

"And that's ok. It's sudden. You've probably got every emotion trying to get to the surface. He..is still your husband and Lindsay's father, no matter how your relationship with him is."

"I know," Catherine replied, taking a deep breath as she moved to take Sara's hand. "Let's do this before I change my mind."

Sara nodded, holding her hand tightly. "Hey Cath?"

"Yeah?" Catherine asked, turning back to her.

Sara held her close, kissing her nose. "I love you," she whispered into her ear.

Catherine smiled, allowing herself to relax for a moment, brushing her cheek against Sara's. "I love you too."

Sara kissed Catherine's lips briefly before walking out to the living room with her. "Should we go?"

"Yes please," Lindsay replied, already dressed in her coat with shoes on.

Sara opened the front door and they slowly made their way to the car. "I'll stay with you no matter what."

"I know," Catherine responded as she got into the car.

* * *

><p>The drive to the prison hospital seemed to take forever and all three had to be security checked on the way in. Lindsay constantly looked to both of them for reassurance as they were searched and Catherine began to regret the decision to come, though she knew Sara was right. He was still Lindsay's father.<p>

Finally, they were led to his room and Catherine paused outside to move to her daughter's level. "If you want to leave at any time, just say so. Or if you want Sara to take you out of the room for a minute that's ok too, alright?" she said, caressing her cheek gently.

Lindsay nodded, hugging Catherine tight.

Sara rested a hand on the girl's shoulder. "It's ok to be scared. Really."

"Ok," Lindsay said more confidently as Catherine picked her up, smiling at Sara as they entered.

Catherine forced herself to step forward once she got past the doorway and stepped toward the bed. She knew in his current state he was harmless, but part of her was still scared. She sat down in one of the chairs beside the bed. "Do you want to hold his hand or anything?" she asked Lindsay.

Lindsay shook her head, holding her tighter.

Sara scooted her chair closer, wrapping her arms around them.

Catherine leant against Sara as she watched his battered face. They'd already been briefed that the medical team thought it unlikely he would regain consciousness and that the most likely outcome was that he was brain dead. They had also asked Catherine to make a decision regarding turning off life support, but she had stated that she needed to see him first.

She should feel happy, shouldn't she? Her attacker of a husband would die, and she would be free. Instead all she felt was guilt. Guilt at having to make the decision, guilt for choosing to prosecute, ultimately resulting in his death.

Right now she felt as though she was no better than him. Like she was murdering him. No matter how she much she'd grown to hate the man, she still loved him once.

Sara held Catherine tightly. "You didn't do this to him, Catherine."

Catherine nodded. "I don't want to care, but I can't help it."

Sara nodded, kissing her cheek. "It's the history. And, as bad as things got, you did love him once..."

Catherine sighed. "And if I hadn't have met him, I wouldn't have Lindsay."

Sara smiled. "See? She's the good thing that came from it," she said, stroking her cheek. "You ok yet, Linds?"

"Daddy is going to die, right?" she said softly.

Sara hugged her close. "Yes honey. He was hurt very badly and they don't think he'll wake up again." She thought it was better if she answered. Catherine seemed to be wrapped up in a lot of things right now.

Lindsay looked back at him, then moved from Sara's lap to walk over to the bed. Hesitating at first, she reached out to touch his face.

Catherine looked up when a doctor entered the room, nodding before they had a chance to ask her again.

"They're turning it off?" Sara asked softly.

"What's the point in prolonging the inevitable?" Catherine said softly.

Sara nodded. "Did you want to sit with me?"

"Would you take Lindsay outside if she says goodbye now? She doesn't need to see that."

Sara nodded, standing up and walking over, getting to her level. "Honey...do you want to say goodbye?"

"Now?" Lindsay frowned.

The brunette nodded. "Yes. See...these machines are what's keeping him alive. He's not really here anymore. I know it's hard, but...you should say goodbye."

Lindsay studied Sara's face for a moment, then looked back to her father. She leant forward and kissed his cheek. "Bye Daddy. Love you," she whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

Sara sighed, picking Lindsay up and carrying her over to Catherine. "Do you want me to come back in?"

"Stay with Lindsay. There's something I need to do."

She nodded, kissing her cheek. "You know where we are," Sara said, walking out of the room.

Catherine nodded, approaching the bed. She studied his face closely. The doctor slowly shut the machines off and in the few seconds Eddie remained alive off the machines, Catherine leant forward and whispered in his ear, "I forgive you." She watched him for a few more seconds before turning to leave.

Sara waited outside the room with Lindsay.

Catherine joined them seconds later, hugging them both tightly.

Sara hugged her tightly, rubbing her back. "Fast, I take it?"

"Yes," Catherine whispered, "We should get Lindsay home."

Sara nodded. "Let's go home."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: helly1bradleywyatt<br>**


	11. Breaking the Chain

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 11: Breaking the Chain**

They arrived home in silence, each lost with their own thoughts. Lindsay ran straight to her room when they got in, causing Catherine to sigh. "You think I should go or leave her for a bit?"

"Let her be for a bit. She'll come find us," Sara said, sitting on the couch with Catherine.

Catherine nodded, curling up with her. "Are you ok?"

Sara nodded, hugging her close. "It's a terrible thing what's happened, but he's out of pain now."

"But are you ok?" Catherine asked softly.

"Yes."

"I... I have read your file..."

"What about it?"

"Your Dad..."

"Yeah?" Sara hated talking about her childhood for a reason.

"He died when you were young. After today, are you ok?"

Sara shook her head. "Actually, what you read was the file I fabricated. My father isn't dead, but so help me, I wish he was."

"Oh, I... Sorry, I shouldn't have... You don't have to talk about it."

"No, I need to talk about it. After my mother passed away, he blamed me for everything. I was eight and the abuse wasn't unlike what you sustained. I always had to make sure I covered up. He never broke any bones. And I was lucky it was only physical...until I turned 13."

Catherine pulled Sara closer, stroking her arm. "Then it became sexual?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Catherine whispered, kissing her forehead.

Sara cuddled into her. She took a deep breath. "By the time I was 18 and could move out, I'd been to the damn clinic over...over f-five times. And I tried to fight, tell him no."

"Oh, god, Sara... I wish I could have been there for you."

Sara nodded again, resting against her. "I knew it was wrong to fill the file out the way, but I'd just rather have nothing to do with him."

"I understand. I've got you. Sleep a while."

Sara nodded, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch over her as she leaned into Catherine.

Catherine pulled it securely around them. "I love you, always."

"I love you too," Sara said. "I'm sorry. I know you're upset."

"No, it's ok. I never want you to feel you can't talk to me about anything, anytime, no matter what I may or may not have been feeling, ok?"

Sara nodded. "I'm sorry."

"And never apologize," Catherine smiled, tilting Sara's chin to kiss her softly.

Sara kissed her, moaning softly. "Why does this make me feel so...warm?"

"Because we're in love," Catherine smiled.

Sara smiled. "I love you so much, Cath," she said, kissing her.

Catherine moaned softly, returning the kiss. "I love you too, Sara."

"Mmm, hopefully soon we can have another night alone," Sara moaned.

"I hope so too," Catherine smiled, tightening her hold on Sara. "Now sleep."

Sara groaned in protest.

"I know. It's not fair..." Catherine said, kissing Sara's forehead, "Should we check on Lindsay?"

Sara nodded, sighing. "I guess I can ignore it. It's for a good reason," she said, standing.

Catherine smiled, taking Sara's hand as they headed towards Lindsay's room. She peered around the corner of the door after knocking. "Lindsay..."

Lindsay rolled over, peering out from under the covers, her eyes bright red. "Yes Mommy?"

"Want to come into our bed for a cuddle, baby?"

Lindsay got up, running over to her.

Catherine held her tight. She hated it when Lindsay was upset. Resting against Sara, she carried Lindsay through, setting her in the middle of the bed before laying with her arms around her. "I am so sorry, sweetheart."

Sara got on the other side, hugging them close.

Lindsay nodded, clinging to her. "Why did that happen?"

"Daddy was very sick. There was a big fight."

Lindsay nodded, crying heavily into her neck.

"Shh..." Catherine whispered, her own heart breaking as Lindsay cried. She never imagined she'd be this upset.

Sara pushed Catherine onto her back, laying Lindsay on top of her as she hugged them tightly. "It's ok, sweetheart."

Catherine's eyes filled with tears as she gently rocked them.

"No... d-daddy's gone..." Lindsay sobbed.

Sara held her tightly, wiping Catherine's eyes.

Lindsay's crying eventually calmed as she fell asleep.

Sara kissed Lindsay's cheek. "Should she stay?"

Catherine nodded. "I thought you had work?"

"No one's called. They're probably giving me a day or two to be with you guys."

Catherine nodded, moving Lindsay beside Sara as she stood. "I'll not be long."

"Are you leaving?"

"Only to the bathroom." Catherine replied before disappearing.

Sara nodded, holding Lindsay close, covering them with the quilt at the end of the bed.

Lindsay gave some soft sniffs as she stirred slightly.

In the bathroom, Catherine studied her reflection. 'I can't do this' she thought to herself.

Sara hugged her tightly, kissing Lindsay's cheek.

Catherine was sick before she returned to them. She still felt guilty. Catherine lay to wrap her arms around both of them. "Both ok?"

Sara nodded. "I think so, but you look like you could use some hugs from me. Cath, none of this was your fault," she said, moving to the other side, lying behind Catherine and hugging her close. "It's ok to be sad and upset. Part of it was good. He inspired you and gave you a wonderful, beautiful little girl. Cath, you know, deep down, this wasn't your fault."

Catherine nodded. "I can't stand it when she cries. It breaks my heart."

"I know. It hurts me too. But you need to talk to me, honey. Otherwise, this will be kept bottled up and be let out when it shouldn't be. Please?" she said, rubbing her neck.

"Part of me still cared. It sounds awful, but I'm not the type of person not to care. He was Lindsay's father and... it was just so... weird seeing him so weak like that. I hated making that decision, but I didn't have much choice. I just never envisaged Lindsay being this upset."

"Well, you did say he always cared about her," Sara said. "When two people have history it's hard not to care."

Catherine pulled Sara closer, crying softly. "I feel like I'm betraying you when I cry."

Sara turned Catherine toward her, holding her tightly. "Why do you think that?"

"Because I love you, not him. "

"I know that, sweetie. But I also know part of you will always him, especially for Lindsay," Sara said, rubbing her back.

Slowly, Catherine finally allowed herself to cry.

Sara held her tightly, kissing her temple. "Shhh, it's ok. Let it all out. I'm here. I've got you. And I love you."

Catherine sobbed heavily, holding onto Sara and when she eventually calmed she looked up at her. "I... before he... I told him I forgave him... I needed closure I guess."

Sara nodded. "You needed it."

Catherine nodded. "I'm so sorry. I feel like everything is about me all the time, and all I want is to take care of you."

Sara smiled gently. "Don't be sorry. Let me help you with this. Then, if you want to, you can take care of me."

"I'll always want to take care of you."

"I know, but you need to let me help you through this first. Can you do that?"

Catherine nodded. "Could you get me some painkillers, please?"

Sara nodded, kissing her cheek and getting up. She walked back into the room a minute later with Catherine's request and a glass of water.

"Thank you," Catherine smiled wincing as she sat up to take the pills.

Sara helped her sit up, wrapping an arm around her.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I think I just need some sleep. We all do."

Sara nodded. "Should we lay her back in bed?"

Catherine nodded. "Could you take her?"

Sara nodded again, taking Lindsay into her arms and walking into her room to lay her in bed and cover her up, kissing her forehead. Then she walked back to Catherine, closed the bedroom door and sat beside her, holding her tightly.

Catherine wrapped her arms around Sara as she cried.

Sara pulled Catherine onto her lap, holding her tightly, rubbing her back. "Shh...it's ok. It's all right. Let it all out. I'm here."

Catherine's soft cries turned into heavy sobs as tears ran down her face.

Sara kissed her head. "Shhh...it's ok. I love you so much," she whispered.

Catherine's breathing slowly evened out and soon she fell asleep in Sara's arms.

Sara carefully moved up to against the head of the bed, lying down with Catherine in her arm, covering her with a quilt.

Lindsay joined them halfway through the night, curling up beside Sara, but Catherine slept until morning, staying close to Sara all night.

Sara woke slightly when Lindsay slipped in beside her to cover them up, kissing their heads and falling back asleep.

* * *

><p>Catherine was first to stir, smiling across at Lindsay then up at Sara, kissing her cheek.<p>

Sara smiled, hugging her tightly. "Morning, honey," she whispered to Catherine. "Any better?"

Catherine nodded, rubbing her neck. "I'm fine, just feel a bit sick."

Sara helped Catherine up and into the bathroom, handing Catherine a glass of water.

"Thanks. I think I must have picked up something at the hospital. Can you check on..." Catherine managed before being sick.

Sara rubbed Catherine's back. "It's ok. It's ok. I'll check on her in a minute."

Catherine wipe her mouth with some tissue a moment later, resting against Sara. "I'll be ok now."

"I don't think you're coming down with anything. This is probably associated with your grief."

"You think?" Catherine asked, pulling Sara closer.

Sara nodded. "I was sick like this when my mother died. It only lasted about a day. No fever, cough, sore throat, congested chest or real flu symptoms."

Catherine kissed Sara softly. She was pleased Sara had finally started opening up to her. "What was she like?"

"She was very sick in the end. But before...she...she was always singing or humming when I'd come home from school. A fresh batch of cookies every week for an after school snack. She was very kind and caring. Like you, but in a different context."

"Hey, I can bake," Catherine joked.

Sara smiled. "I'd like to try yours someday."

"I'd love to bake for you."

Sara kissed her nose. "Should we keep her home today and just have a family day? Maybe go to the park or a movie or even just stay here."

Catherine nodded. "Could we stay in and watch a movie?"

"Sure. Maybe you can bake for me. But you should call the school and I'll see about work. Are you going to be ok now?"

Catherine nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Do you want to check on her?"

Catherine nodded. "You know I love you no matter what, right?"

Sara nodded. "Yes. Why, is something wrong?"

"I'm just checking."

Sara kissed her cheek, stepping out to call work.

Catherine watched Sara for a moment, then sighed as she went to curl up with her daughter.

Sara walked back in a few minutes later, covering them up as she slipped in beside Catherine. "He said to take as much time as we need and we'll only be called in an emergency," she said, hugging her close and resting against her.

"Thanks," Catherine whispered, turning to Lindsay, "Shall we have breakfast, honey?"

Lindsay nodded, snuggling into Catherine. "Carry me?"

"Ok," Catherine replied, slipping from between them then standing as she picked Lindsay up, "What would you like?"

"Waffles? Eggs? Bacon?" Lindsay listed.

"Waffles, eggs and bacon it is," Catherine smiled.

Lindsay smiled, kissing her cheek.

Sara stood, walking over and opening the door. "How about we watch cartoons while Mommy cooks?" she asked the girl.

Lindsay looked a little hesitant, but then nodded, taking Sara's hand once Catherine had put her down.

Sara held her hand tightly, leading her to the couch and pulling her into her lap. "What should we watch?"

"I don't mind," Lindsay said, burying her face against Sara.

Sara nodded, putting it on a random channel and holding her close. "Shhh."

Lindsay clung tightly to her. "He's not coming back," she sobbed.

Sara rubbed her back. "No sweetie. He's not."

"Breakfast won't be long," Catherine called.

"Ok," Sara responded.

Lindsay looked up at Sara with wet cheeks, glancing at the TV.

Sara kissed her head.

Lindsay sniffed as she tried to calm herself down, concentrating on the cartoon until Catherine called again, having set breakfast on the table.

Sara sat Lindsay on her feet, taking her hand and leading her out to the kitchen.

Catherine smiled at them. "Here you go."

Sara sat at the table, taking a drink of water. "Thank you."

Catherine nodded watching Lindsay eat at first then stop, swirling food around her plate with her fork. "It's ok if you're not hungry, Linds."

Sara nodded. "We can put it away for later."

"What do you care!" Lindsay shouted.

Sara raised a brow. "Something wrong?"

"What are you talking about?" Catherine asked. "Of course I care about you."

"No you don't or you wouldn't have done this!" Lindsay replied, standing.

"Done what?"

"Daddy's dead and it's all your fault! I hate you!" Lindsay shouted angrily, running to her room with a slam of her door.

Catherine stared at the spot her daughter had been stood, mouth hanging open.

Sara rested a hand on Catherine's. "Cath...?"

"She's never shouted at me before..." Catherine managed, turning back to Sara.

"Honey, she's just angry. It's a stage of grief people go through. I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"I... She..." Catherine said as she stared into Sara's eyes then grabbed her shirt, pulling the younger woman into a passionate kiss.

Sara, shocked, held on tightly, kissing back. She knew Catherine needed to hold onto someone, but she hadn't expected this. "Wh-what...?"

"Shh..." Catherine whispered, kissing and nipping Sara's neck.

Sara moaned. "Mmm..."

Catherine lifted Sara, carrying her through to their bedroom as they kissed. Closing the door, she put Sara down, pressing her against it sucking the spot on her neck as she ripped Sara's shirt off, buttons flying.

"Cath..."

Catherine sucked harder, unclasping Sara's bra, throwing it away as her hands roughly ran over her breasts.

Sara moaned, running her hands through Catherine's hair.

Catherine moaned as she pinched Sara's nipples.

Sara hissed, pulling her close and kissing her hard.

Catherine slipped her tongue into Sara's mouth with a moan, holding the back of Sara's head as she turned them 'round, walking backwards, pushing Sara against the bed, undoing her trousers.

Sara moaned into her mouth, holding her close. "Mmmm...Cath..."

"I love you..." Catherine whispered, moving her palms in circles lightly over her nipples.

"I love you too," she moaned.

Catherine stripped the remainder of Sara's clothes as she kissed the brunette possessively.

Sara moaned. "Mmm, let me get you down to nothing."

"I'm not stopping you," Catherine smirked.

Sara stood them up, quickly stripping Catherine of her shirt, sucking on her neck as she discarded other articles. Once she was stripped, Sara laid Catherine on the bed, quickly locking the door, before crawling on top of her. "Do you just need to be close to me? Is that what this is? Or do you want that and need me too?"

"I... I think both."

Sara nodded, kissing her passionately, moaning deeply as she massaged her breasts. "Mmm..."

Catherine moaned, returning the kiss running her hands along Sara's back.

Sara moved to suck on her neck. "Mmmm, you ok?"

"Mmm, yes..." Catherine moaned, raking her fingers through Sara's hair.

Sara held her close. "I'm not going anywhere, honey," she moaned by her ear.

"Promise?" Catherine whispered.

Sara smiled, looking deeply into her eyes. "I promise," she said, kissing her with all the love she could put into it.

Catherine gave a soft moan as she returned the kiss, pulling Sara as close as she could.

Sara wrapped Catherine's legs around her waist. "Mmm... Do you want me to take you?"

"Mmm, yes baby."

Sara untangled herself from Catherine long enough to dig into the toy drawer.

Catherine lay back, closing her eyes.

Minutes later, Sara was back up on the bed, toy in place. "How should we do this?"

"Can we try something?"

The brunette nodded. "What do you have in mind?"

"Sit cross legged near the top of the bed, but leave a gap behind you," Catherine said, clearing some pillows as she sat up.

Sara did as she asked, silently questioning what was going on.

Catherine slowly lowered herself onto the toy with a moan, wrapping her legs behind Sara's back, crossing her feet as she held onto the brunette.

Sara held her tightly. "Who moves?"

"We both can," Catherine smirked, kissing Sara deeply as she rode the toy with a moan.

Sara kissed her back, planting her hands on the bed, thrusting up into her.

The position allowed the closeness Catherine craved as well as what she needed from Sara right now as she gasped, moving against her. "Mmm yes."

Sara moaned by her ear, rocking her hips. "Mmm...feel good?"

"You always feel so good," Catherine moaned, moving her hip upward then back down hard against her.

Sara gasped at the roughness, but gave it right back. "Ohh..."

"Mmm, yes," Catherine growled, repeating her action harder, "Lean back a bit..."

Sara nodded, leaning back. "Mmm. You're so incredibly sexy."

"As are you," Catherine smiled, letting her go as she rested on her hands placing them behind her. She began to move roughly causing the toy to press against Sara's clit at their new angle.

Sara moaned, grinding back against her. "Mmm..." Her hands reached behind Catherine to spank her hard.

"Oh, you want more?" Catherine smirked, moaning loudly as she moved harder against her.

"Ahh oh yes..."

Catherine gradually increased speed, her movements harder each time. "God, yes!"

Sara kissed her hard. "Mmm, more! Yes, fuck me!"

Catherine moaned into their kiss, going harder. "You feel fucking amazing..."

Sara held her tightly, bucking hard against her, beginning to pant. "God, I love you! I need you!"

"I love you too!" Catherine cried, her breathing becoming shaky as she got closer, hips beginning to buck against Sara too.

Sara suddenly laid Catherine onto her back, bucking hard into her. "Yes...yes honey...come on..." she moaned in her ear.

Catherine raised her arms above her head as if surrendering herself to Sara. "Ohh, god... so close!"

Sara smirked, pinning her hands and going faster. "Mmm, so good."

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Catherine cried, then kissed Sara hard as she came, screaming into her mouth, "SARAAAAAA!"

Sara wrapped her arms around her, letting herself fall with her moaning loudly as she came underneath the harness.

Catherine panted heavily, trying to catch her breath. "You ok?"

Sara smiled, kissing her nose and caressing her cheek. "Perfect. You?"

Catherine nodded. "I love you."

Sara held her close. "I love you too, but next time, just tell me so I'm not so confused ok?"

"I'll try."

"Anything else?"

Catherine shook her head, holding Sara tightly.

Sara rubbed her back. "It's going to be ok, honey. I promise."

Catherine sighed. "I should check on Lindsay."

"Mhm. Do you need me to come with you?"

"Could you wait outside?"

Catherine kissed Sara gently, getting up to dress then making her way to Lindsay's room, knocking before she entered. "Lindsay? Honey?" she said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

After dressing, Sara waited outside.

Lindsay sat up. "Yes?"

"Did you mean what you said before?"

Lindsay sighed. "Well, I don't know..."

"It's alright, you're not in trouble," Catherine said softly, touching her daughter's shoulder. "Tell me how you feel."

Lindsay sighed. "Things just moved so fast. I'm glad we-we're not there anymore. But I guess now I don't know what to think."

"And that's ok. Listen, no matter how mad you get, how much you shout at me or say you hate me, I'll always love you, Lindsay."

Lindsay nodded, resting against her. "Why did you do that! I know you told them to kill the machines!"

Sara leaned in the doorway. "Sweetie, it wasn't your mom's fault. He wasn't really your dad anymore. There wasn't a chance of him waking up. She did it out of mercy."

Catherine smiled softly at Sara. "Sara's right. The doctors did tests that showed he was never going to wake up and I didn't want to keep him on the machines if they weren't doing any good. It wouldn't have been fair on him, or you. On any of us."

Lindsay looked between the two of them for a moment before her eyes settled on Sara. "So, he wasn't alive? The machines were making it look like he was?"

Sara nodded. "Another term for it is "medically alive". The machines were breathing for him and making his heart beat," she said, sitting beside Catherine. "It's hard, but if he did feel any pain, he's not feeling it anymore."

Lindsay nodded, showing she understood. "Can I be on my own for a while?"

Sara nodded, hugging her and kissing her cheek. "Come find us if you need us."

"Actually, will you stay? Just you?"

"Me?" Sara asked.

"Yes," Lindsay nodded.

The brunette nodded. "If your mommy will heat up my food and bring it to me."

"I'll heat up both and be right back," Catherine smiled, returning a couple of minutes later with their plates. She kissed both their foreheads before she left the room once more.

Sara sat against the headboard. "Smells good."

"Mommy's a good cook, that's why."

Sara smiled, eating a bit. "Did you want to talk about anything?"

"I don't know why I'm so angry."

Sara nodded. "Well, it's normal to be angry with this type of thing. Angry at what happened, at the person who passed away. Even angry like you were at your mom. It's part of grief."

"Are you sure Mommy's not mad at me?"

Sara nodded, taking another bite.

"I'm surprised Mommy made bacon this morning."

"Why?"

"It made her sick the other day."

"Do you know why?"

Lindsay shook her head. "She was the same with coffee."

"Hmm." Of course it brought a question to mind that she knew Catherine didn't want under any circumstances.

"But at least she feels better now," Lindsay said with a small smile.

Sara nodded. "Yeah, that's good."

"You love Mommy a lot, right?"

"Yes I do. Why?"

"Just checking."

Sara smiled again, finishing her plate of food.

Lindsay finished hers soon after, then rested against Sara. "Can we watch cartoons now?"

Sara nodded. "Are you sure you want me here?"

"Mommy could sit with us too."

Sara nodded. "Should we go out and see her?"

"Ok," Lindsay nodded.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: helly1bradleywyatt &amp; katvrah<br>**


	12. Piece Not Wanted

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 12: Piece Not Wanted**

They held the funeral a few days later and both Catherine and Lindsay had been a mess in the days following. Catherine was so run down she'd ended up with a slight cold and was tired all the time. As she lay in bed a week later, she sighed heavily. "Can you get Lindsay up for school?" she asked Sara. "I just need a few more minutes if I'm going to make it into work today."

Sara nodded, kissing her cheek. "Yes. I'll be right back," she said, getting up and going to knock on Lindsay's door. "Lindsay!"

"Yes?" the blonde asked, pulling the door open already dressed for school.

"Oh, I was just going to get you up for school."

"It's ok, I'm ready. I didn't want Mom to be stressy since she's not well."

Sara smiled. "Do you want me to get you some breakfast or can you get it?"

"I can get it," Lindsay smiled as the en-suite door could be heard opening and closing.

Sara walked back in, wondering about the sickness Lindsay had mentioned the week before. She sighed, rubbing her face. She supposed the ultimate 'revenge' was possible. He did rape her and that left the ultimate question. But, on the other hand, with the way that it had happened would Catherine be able to handle it or, moveover, want to keep it? She supposed it wasn't worth mentioning quite yet as the sickness could be grief-related.

Catherine sat in the bathroom with shaking hands. Only one thing could be making feel this way. She'd been putting it off for a few weeks and trying her best to hide it from Sara. Catherine still wasn't sure how to feel about the situation if it was true. Yes, Lindsay was a reminder of her past, but if she was pregnant, this child would be a reminder of what happened the night he nearly killed her. She'd always been so anti-abortion, but now if it was true, it was something she was seriously considering. There was only one way to settle the battle in her mind. She would need to do a test. Today. She would already be around 10 weeks if she was pregnant. Sighing, she stood, exiting the bathroom.

Sara looked up. "Cath, you ok?" she asked, hugging her.

"I think I'm coming down with the flu."

"Maybe, but, Cath, listen. I..." Now she wasn't sure how to bring this up. But Catherine was smart, so... she had to have considered the possibility. "Wait, I-I think I know what you're thinking. I'm not saying anything for sure, but...if that's what's really going on, then Cath, I'm behind you 100 percent in whatever you want to do. Just please let me help you. Yes, we'll tell Lindsay you're sick, but I want us to be in this together," she whispered.

"I don't know... not for sure..." Catherine replied softly.

Sara nodded, kissing her cheek. "I'll go get something. We're running low on milk anyway and a few other things. Ok?"

"I-I said I'd go to work. Catch up on some paperwork. I'm not due in until ten."

Sara nodded again. "Then I'll go and be right back. Is there anything else you need?"

"No, I don't think so. Can you drop Lindsay on the way?"

"Of course," she smiled, kissing her nose.

Catherine wrinkled her nose, kissing Sara's cheek. As soon as she was gone, she slowly began to get ready for work, sitting down a couple of times when she felt nauseous.

Sara quickly dropped Lindsay at school and headed to the store where she picked up a couple items along with milk and two tests(just to be sure). Afterwards, she headed back home. putting the groceries away and grabbing the bag with Ginger Ale, two tests as well as a stack of cups. "Cath?"

"Hi," Catherine smiled, kissing Sara softly.

Sara smiled. "Hi. I got groceries, two of those, and a bottle of Ginger Ale for your stomach."

"Thank you," Catherine smiled, taking the tests, heading in the direction of the bathroom, "I'll just, um..."

Sara smiled. "Do you want me to wait outside the door or with you?"

"Can you wait out here?"

The brunette nodded. "I love you, no matter what," she said sitting on the couch.

Catherine took a deep breath as she waited, returning to Sara ten minutes later looking hesitant.

Sara walked over, taking her hands. "I'm not going to leave, Cath."

"They're both positive..."

Sara nodded, hugging her gently. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know. I need time."

"Cath, do you want to sit with me for a bit?"

"I need to go to work."

"Ok," Sara responded, kissing her lovingly and holding her close. "I have some things to finish up in my lab too."

"I don't need looking after."

"Oh, I-I know, but I need to finish some fibers anyway."

Catherine reluctantly nodded. "I'm sorry. I just want space."

"I understand," Sara said, letting go and leaving for the lab.

* * *

><p>Catherine sighed. She didn't want to push Sara away, but she needed time to think and consider her options.<p>

She arrived at her office shortly after Sara arrived at work and sat quietly at her desk. She'd been trying to concentrate on her files for the last hour, but nothing seemed to be going into her preoccupied brain.

Deciding she needed a break, she went in search of Sara, watching her from the door for a moment. "Sara..."

Sara turned, smiling as she stood. "Come in."

Catherine gave a small smile, walking over to the younger woman. "I... I think... I want to keep the baby..."

Sara's eyes widened in shock. "Can I ask why?"

"It's still a part of me."

Sara smiled, hugging her gently. "Hmm. You know, I have an idea. Why don't I adopt both of them?"

"What? Really?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah. I mean, there's no reason why they can't have two parents who love and adore them. How they came to be here has no influence on their behavior or if they're well-behaved. And...I do love Lindsay and you."

Catherine smiled, pulling her into a hug. "You should go home and sleep before your shift tonight."

"You coming with me?" Sara asked, kissing her cheek.

"I'm going to stay and finish some things. I'll be home later."

Sara nodded, hugging her gently. "I love you, so much. Hey Cath, I-I know I shouldn't ask so soon and I'm not, but someday, will you wear my ring?"

"Someday, yes," Catherine smiled, "I love you too."

"Like I said, I know it's much too soon to really ask, but if I'm adopting them, then, the only one left to be mine is you..."

Catherine kissed to brunette deeply. "Home and sleep. I'll be home when I can."

Sara kissed her back. "Ok. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Catherine replied, slowly letting her go.

Sara smiled, pulling on her jacket. "Which one of us is picking up Lindsay?"

"Can I let you know?"

"Sure, but if I don't answer, I'm out cold and didn't hear it."

"It's fine," Catherine smiled, watching Sara go. She settled back into her office and it wasn't until Nick walked past a few hours later. "Nick, do you need a hand with that interview? This paperwork is driving me crazy."

Nick nodded. "Sure."

Catherine quickly stood, following him into interrogation. She leant against the wall opposite the man at the table and watched as Nick lead, the man getting more and more agitated.

"We have a size 7 1/2 shoe print in blood next to her body. We're searching your car, your house and work for those shoes. We also have your fingerprints in wet paint where you tried to cover up the blood that wouldn't come off the wall. Your teeth match the bite marks found on her hand. How do you explain that?" he asked, laying out the photos.

"She liked it rough, what can I say?"

"So rough she bled out on the carpet? We also found the knife you stabbed her with. What? Did she not like it the way you did?"

"She loved it. What can I say?"

"You do know if someone says no, you aren't allowed to have sex with them, right? That's called rape," Catherine added.

Nick nodded. "In every sense of the word. It doesn't matter where, when or how. If someone says no, it is rape and that's a felony."

"She was asking for it! Flaunting it in my face all night!" He shouted.

"No one asks to be raped," Nick said. "You were at a strip club. That was her job."

"I offered to pay her. She's just like all the other women I've known. They always flaunt it, but always tease you," he replied feeling Catherine's burning stare. "What the hell are you looking at, bitch!" As he shouted, he pushed the table hard against Catherine's stomach, jamming her between the table and wall.

Catherine gave a whimper of pain as she tried to push the table away.

Nick cuffed him and opened the door for the officers to take him away as he pulled the table away from Catherine. "Are you all right, Catherine?" he asked, using strength he didn't know he had to pull it away.

Catherine nodded. "Just winded, I've had worse. I'll be fine in a minute."

"Do you want help back to your office?" he offered.

"I'll be fine," Catherine replied, slowly leaving for the bathroom. As she caught her breath the pain increased in her stomach and she knew what was happening. Reaching for her phone, she called Sara, noticing the time.

Sara rolled over in bed, answering, "Sidle," she said with a yawn.

"It's only me. I... are you getting Lindsay or do you need me to go?"

Sara sat up, swinging her legs over. "I'll get her. You ok? You sound...almost pained," she asked as she stepped into her shoes and pulled her jacket on.

"Fine. I'll be home before you leave for work. I love you."

"I love you too. Do you want me to pick up dinner?"

"I'm not that hungry. Get something for you two."

"I'll get enough so I can put some in the fridge for you," Sara said as she walked out of the house.

Catherine quickly disconnected the call and returned to her office, shutting the door as tears slowly ran down her cheeks when she sat.

Sara arrived at the school just as it got out, waiting for Lindsay.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: helly1bradleywyatt, katvrah &amp; Guest<br>**


	13. Decision Decided

Save Me From Insanity

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & dcmasters

**Ch. 13: Decision Decided**

"I just thought you should know. Catherine will probably need to do an incident form," Nick said to Gil.

He looked up. "What happened?"

"Our suspect pinned her forcefully to the wall with a table. I didn't know if maybe it might cause flashbacks, too."

Grissom nodded, grabbing a form. "I'll go see," he said, getting up and walking to her office, knocking. "Catherine?"

Catherine straightened herself from her slumped position in her chair. "Come in."

He opened the door, walked in and closed it. "Nick told me what happened," Grissom said, sitting across from her and laying the form on her desk. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm..." Catherine managed, pausing as the pain increased, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Maybe you should go home."

"I've already had enough time off. Anyone else would have been sacked by now," Catherine replied, wiping a tear quickly before it fell down her cheek.

Grissom handed her a tissue. "But your situation is different with what's happened and now with this incident."

"Incident?" Catherine managed, "Gil, if I tell you something, it's in the strictest confidence, right?"

"Well, it depends on what you tell me."

"The, um... the incident... I... I think I may be... miscarrying..." Catherine struggled.

"From what happened before? Do you need me to call a doctor?"

"Would you mind if I left to see one? I don't want everyone talking again."

"Not at all. Of course, go. You can fill this out later," Grissom said.

"Thank you," Catherine said sincerely, leaving her office seconds later.

* * *

><p>She arrived home about half an hour before Sara was due to leave, walking in slowly. "Sorry I'm late," she called, removing her coat and shoes.<p>

Sara hugged her gently.

Catherine kissed Lindsay's forehead, then Sara's before going to change into her pajamas, fluffy dressing gown and slippers.

Sara followed her a few minutes later. "How was work?"

"Fine. Sleep ok?" Catherine asked, moving to lay in bed.

Sara nodded. "Yes. Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm exhausted. I think I just overdid it today."

"Ok," she said, sitting beside her.

"Can I have a cuddle before you go?"

Sara nodded again, cuddling her close. "You know you can tell me everything."

Catherine held Sara close, burying her face. "I know."

Sara hugged her close, kissing her head.

Drained mentally and physically, Catherine fell asleep within seconds.

Sara kissed her gently, covering her up.

"Where's Mom?" Lindsay asked.

"In bed," Sara said as she walked back out.

"Is she still sick?" Lindsay frowned.

Sara sighed. "Yes sweetie. She's still sick."

"Are you going to work now? I can look after Mommy."

Sara smiled, hugging her tightly. "Yes I'm going to work."

Lindsay smiled. "See you in the morning, Mom."

"Bye," she said, walking out.

* * *

><p>"Sara, hi," Gil said as he passed Sara's lab a few hours later, confusion on his face.<p>

"Hi. Something wrong?"

"I just wasn't expecting you."

"Why?"

"Catherine didn't tell you?"

Sara raised a brow. "No, tell me what?"

"I shouldn't say anything, but there was... she was involved in an assault earlier."

"What incident?" Sara asked. "Was she ok?"

"A suspect pushed a table into her and wedged her against the wall."

"Ouch! Was she hurt?"

"Yes, she took a hard blow to the stomach. But I think you should talk to Catherine about that."

Sara nodded. "I was going to go over evidence, but I'll finish processing what I have."

* * *

><p>At home, Lindsay had cuddled with her mother for a while and then put herself to bed leaving Catherine curled up, crying softly.<p>

Sara got home about two hours later, finding Catherine curled in a ball on the couch crying. She sat beside her, holding her close. "Hey honey, it's ok. I'm here now. Grissom said you were hurt at work."

"I... I'm losing it..." she whispered.

"What do you mean? Losing wha-?" Sara thought a moment. Grissom said she was hit in the stomach. "Oh God...honey! Hey, I'm here. It's ok," she said, rocking her.

"I didn't know how to tell you," Catherine whispered, burying her face.

"Shh. I understand and it's ok. I've got you."

Catherine cried in Sara's arms for a long time before she quieted. "It's a shame we didn't know this yesterday. Could have saved ourselves a lot of heartache."

"What did the doctor say?"

"There was nothing they could do. What about work?"

"Grissom said they would add it to the charges. Do you want to go to bed? I'll hold you all night."

Catherine nodded, slowly standing as she held onto Sara.

Sara wrapped an arm around her, leading her back to bed, sitting her on the edge as she closed the door.

"You must be pleased..."

"Pleased?" Sara asked as she stripped her work clothes for pajamas and sat beside her. "Why?"

"Can you, hand on heart, say that you were ready for a baby?"

The brunette sighed. "Well, honestly, no, but for you, you know I'd do anything. And it would've been part of you and...ours. For me to love just like I love you and Lindsay. Yes, it would've been very fast, but if you were absolutely committed about keeping it...I would've been here, just like I have been. And...and I better stop before I burst into tears..." she said, leaning into Catherine.

"You shouldn't have to love a child for me. I still wasn't sure. Not really. Looks like it's been decided for me now."

"I...I know, but I would've loved it anyway because it would be a part of you," Sara said.

Catherine just nodded before laying down. She was too tired to argue.

Sara turned off the light before slipping in beside her. "Cath, I love everything about you. Sure, it would've been soon, but so what?"

"I was just warming to the idea of being a Mom again."

Sara held her close. "Well, if you want to, we could do that someday too. Then it really would be ours."

Catherine nodded. "It hurts so much."

She held Catherine tightly. "What can I do?"

"Don't leave me," Catherine whispered.

Sara rubbed Catherine's back as Catherine rested her head in Sara's neck. "Never."

* * *

><p>They spent the rest of the night in that position as Catherine finally fell asleep, and refused to move when they woke the following morning.<p>

Sara held her tight, kissing her nose. "Morning," she whispered.

"Morning," Catherine whispered her replied, holding tighter to Sara.

"How did you sleep?"

"On and off."

Sara rubbed her back, kissing her slowly. "Mmm... I love you."

"I love you too."

Sara smiled, caressing her cheek. "What should we do after I drop Lindsay off at school? Movie on the couch?"

Catherine nodded. "I don't want you to move."

"I know. I don't want to move either," she said, snuggling her close.

Lindsay knocked on the door ten minutes later.

Sara sat up. "Yes?"

"Oh, you're home..." Lindsay said as she walked in.

Sara stood. "Yes, I'm home. I assume you'd like a ride to school?"

"Is that ok? I can call Sophie's mom..."

Sara shook her head. "No, I'll take you. Give me five minutes," she said, pulling clothes from the dresser.

Lindsay nodded, looking at her mother skeptically before returning to wait in the living room.

"Don't be long," Catherine said softly.

Sara smiled, buttoning her jeans and blouse, running a brush through her hair. "I won't be."

"Sara.. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"Not telling you. Saying some harsh things last night. You're brilliant, you always have been and all I ever do is cause problems."

Sara nodded. "But you've been through so much. And you're still so strong," she said, pulling on her shoes. "I love you. I'll be right back," Sara said, pulling her jacket on and walking out to the living room. "Let's go, Linds."

"Is Mom ok?" Lindsay asked as they walked through the door.

"Yeah, she's just tired."

Lindsay nodded, seemingly content with that answer as they drove to school.

Sara smiled. "Have a good day," she said, pulling up to the curb.

"Thanks. Bye, Mom," Lindsay smiled, leaning over to kiss her cheek, before getting out.

Sara smiled. "Bye sweetie," she said, pulling away and going back home.

* * *

><p>Catherine was curled up on the sofa by the time Sara got back. "Lindsay get off to school ok?"<p>

Sara shed her jacket and shoes before sitting beside her. "Yes."

Catherine pulled Sara close. "I'm sick of feeling so tired, drained, emotional and sad all the time."

Sara held her close. "But with what you've been through, it's an understandable reaction. You need to take time to accept what's happened so you can get past it."

"But all I want is to be experiencing happiness with you."

Sara pulled Catherine into her lap. "And you will. We will. But bottling everything up isn't healthy. You can't bury this kind of pain. You need to let it out. That way you can make room for all of the things you want to do with me."

Catherine buried her face against Sara's neck. "How is it he's dead and still causing me pain?" she whispered as tears fell.

"It's the memories, sweetie," she said, rocking her gently.

"I want to forget it all and meet you all those years ago," Catherine sighed.

"I know, but I'm here now."

Catherine's arms tightened around the brunette. "I wouldn't change it for the world."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews: helly1bradleywyatt, katvrah &amp; Guest<br>**


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